Links and faith
May 12, 2005 Parenting
First of all, my blogroll is hopelessly outdated. I do all of my surfing from bloglines these days because there is a handy little “B” down in the corner of my browser that displays a red dot whenever anybody updates. It works much better than the “ping” action on blogroll.
The only problem is that not everyone has their rss feed activitated. If you’re using blogger (blogspot?) you might want to figure out how to create a feed (Meagan) because I keep forgetting to also check my blogroll for places to visit.
But today I’m thinking about faith and whether or not having some (in a higher power — as you understand it/her/him) helps a person to be a better parent.
There was some discussion about patience on the unschooling list — how to get more of it, specifically. And someone asked if any of us found support in our faith and in prayer or meditation.
I don’t participate much on the list AT ALL because they meet a lot off-line, which is something I don’t have time to do, so I feel like a creepy lurker even though I got an official invite and stuff. So you know, I do what I do, which is run off to my blog and think via keyboard here where I feel all safe and cozy.
I have gotten off-track with my faith lately because I’m off-track with everything. With work, sleep, groceries, vacuuming, laundry, homeschooling, etc. etc. (As an aside, I told Brett that I think I will ironically look younger in a couple of years once I’m getting more sleep again.) That’s the trouble with spiritual practice; it’s so easy to forget to do it when you’re really needing it.
When Madison was the cryingest baby in the world, I would pray an awful lot while I held her and listened to her wail. I didn’t pray for her to stop crying but I would pray for the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, namely her need to weep. And very often it worked. It didn’t exactly make my life easier but it made it easier not to fling her through a window and run off to be a showgirl in Vegas.
In my mind, God/G-d is an endless source of empathy and compassion, if I can only remember to go there for it. This was my grand discovery during my struggles with infertility and it’s why, I believe, I was able to find peace during the wait for Madison to actually arrive. It’s not that God/G-d fixes things, it’s that through honest prayer (as opposed to wandering around whining) I can use that wellspring of empathy and compassion to shore me up. The only thing I can think to compare it to is when you’re little and you fall down and your mommy picks you up and kisses it better. She doesn’t really kiss it better, right? But getting kisses gives you strength to get back up on your roller skates.
I still have trouble believing that God/G-d wants the best for me since if that’s true, why doesn’t God/G-d want the best for everyone? Namely children like this? In my smallness, I do sometimes depend on the belief that it will all be ok just because I’m living it but I can only find any kind of strength in that if I stretch my boundaries of what “ok” looks like.
In any case, my point is that when I remember and take the time to spend time telling God/G-d my troubles, I am a better mother and a nicer person all around.
May 12th, 2005 at 10:38 am
I just want you to know that I’d pay cash money to see you as a showgirl in Vegas.
Thanks for the thought-provoking post.
May 12th, 2005 at 10:45 am
Great post. I’ve kind of slipped in my spirituality lately. I don’t feel inclined to actively pray or be grateful for anything. I just sort of feel like that is insinuated and how many times does the big guy want to hear from me anyway?
I still hold fast to my belief that we are to live our lives as best we can and learn our own lessons along the way. I don’t think God judges us in the “you will be smited” sense as much as he just wants the best for us in a more parenting type way. Just as I want my daughters to do their best and be happy but at the same time I will NEVER not love them if they lose their way, you know? I’ll just try to help them get back on the right path.
That’s kind of where my faith is rooted at this point in my life. Just living it the best I know how and trying to do and be better. No guilt. Just growth and looking forward to bigger and better things as I feel inclined to produce them in my life and the lives of my family and the people I love.
Kind of hokey, no?
May 12th, 2005 at 1:00 pm
After my daughter died, I had no faith in anything. The I read the book “Why Bad Things Happen to Good People” and a lot of things came together for me. It is written my arabbi whose son died due to a degenerative illness. This book changed my perspective on faith, especially that merit equals heavenly rewards.
May 12th, 2005 at 4:00 pm
Dawn, why do you write God as “God/G-d”? for me, from a Jewish perspective, there wouldn’t be any difference. Am I dense?
May 12th, 2005 at 9:39 pm
I think there are life events that help your faith, and life events that strain your faith, but it is not about the here and now.
I think you’ve got it right when take the time to tell God what you are going through. I think that I need to do the same- for all the blessings in my life, there is still much I need help with.
Thanks for getting me thinking!
May 13th, 2005 at 12:17 am
I’m an atheist. So … well, I suppose I don’t think faith has anything to do with my parenting. What motivates me to get through difficult times is the hard won understanding of how I got f**ked up in my own childhood and the wish not to do that to my child.