The luckiest girl in the world
That would be me!
The best part of the day was J’s visit. Why, you ask? Because we had this great talk at the end of it and it was fun and reassuring (there was some business with our trip and we got that cleared up) and informative.
I told J all about the hair discussions I’ve been having to get her input on it and also confessed all of my hair angst. I’m kinda terrified that her family will disapprove of me and so I decided to stick all of my worries onto her hair, I guess. I had this picture of them saying, “J, you allowed this woman to parent your child??? But look at how she’s doing her hair!” J says no worries, please, and that Madison’s hair looks fine. (As an aside, detangler has been a welcome addition to our home because it lets Madison’s curls stay separate and perfect without a bit of fuzz but lots of body.)
The books I’m reading on hair are really fascinating. I think that Good Hair: For Coloured Girls Who’ve Considered Weaves When the Chemicals Became Too Ruff is a terrific how-to book (with details that It’s All Good Hair doesn’t cover — both are must-haves, I think). Most of it doesn’t apply to Madison’s hair yet and may not at all but there’s this whole language I’m learning it’s answering some questions I had.
Right now I’m in the middle of Hair Story: Untangling the Roots of Black Hair in America and it’s really really good. I’d read some of this kind of information before but it’s new to me now because I’m reading it as a parent to Madison. For example, I hadn’t thought much about her hair or her skin tone in the context of it maybe being “not Black enough” for some members of the African American community. So I was talking to J about this and we were talking about J’s experiences with these kinds of expectations and it was really interesting. I feel so lucky that J is a part of our lives and that we can talk about these things.
And then we talked some about how I can foster Madison’s connections to the AA community and the challenges and insecurities I’m feeling about this. We talked about what she can do to help me.
Damn I’m lucky. I’m so lucky. I love her so much and I’m so grateful that she loves us back. And I’m so happy that she will let me ask her my ignorant questions and that we can talk about the hard stuff — the adoption stuff, the race stuff, etc.
I’m kinda high on all of this right now.
You are lucky! J seems so cool in so many ways.
Yay! off to work, but Yay it all sounds good.
You are right–you’re lucky. And so is Madison, to have two great women who love her enough to do these things for her.
I’ve never heard of AA people not being black enough. In fact when I was pregnant with Magdalena, I worked in a hospital with a bunch of AA people. They always argued over who was lighter, making it sound like the lighter you were the better. The darkest girl was always made fun of.
Oh Suzanne you are so wrong and so right. Being too light and too dark is both a curse and a blessing in the Black community. It’s a double-edged sword. My son who is biracial is always being told how cute he is, but there are always comments about his being so light. It’s what I call the “supermodel complex”. Everyone wishes (secretly or not) that they looked like that gorgeous woman on the cover, but how often is she criticized as not being “real” or not taken seriously because she is that woman on the cover who everyone wants to be. There is no winning this one.
i’m so happy for you Dawn– this sounds like a such a great relationship for all of you!
That is wonderful.
My daughter, Aiyana is multiracial and I know some people might give her problems for not being Black enough.