I only have a minute
Madison somehow found the cell phone and she knows how to work it better than I do. I’m turning a blind eye so I can type really quickly and also finish my coffee. Hopefully our bill won’t be astronomical.
So a couple of white moms of my acquaintance have been talking about diversity in regards to making school choices for their white kids and that’s been interesting. For those of you whose families are white, what are your concerns about diversity? Where does it rate on your scale of importance?
I’ll be frank, this isn’t something I thought about much (except in theory) when it was just Noah. Part of it was that he was really little and we had no idea where we were going to end up house-wise. And then, too, our budget kinda dictates that whatever neighborhood we live in will not be all-white. (Unless we wanted to head way out to the outer suburbs, which we didn’t find appealing.) But there was a time when we wanted to move to a small rural town and my biggest concern about diversity there is that I thought it would be tough to raise a Jewish pro-feminist kid out in the boonies.
My fellow parents of white kids and I used to sit around and lament the lack of diversity at our playgroups but we didn’t know really what we could and should do about it.
So now I want to hear what you think. What are the benefits of diversity for white kids? Is diversity important enough to you that you’d trade off other things? If not, how do you educate your kids about differences and racial awareness? And is it ok to pick a neighborhood that is in many ways terrific if it isn’t very diverse? What about a great school system that is mostly white?
My thinking? People need to go where they feel comfortable and diversity is just one issue to consider when choosing a home or a school. I think white kids have different diversity needs, i.e., it’s not going to be vital to their self-esteem/self-awareness to be in a diverse district.
I don’t want people to feel defensive as they think about this because I don’t think there’s a “right” answer to be a good PC parent and raise forward-thinking kids.
As an aside, my growing up environment was lily white. I don’t know if it hurt me although I’m sure it slowed me down as I work through my own racism. On the other hand, as a friend of mine pointed out, growing up in an all-white neighborhood meant she was without negative stereotypes as well. (We’ve all met racists who say, “Yeah, but I grew up with those people; I know what they’re really like.”
Anyway, these entries have been difficult because it’s incredibly hard to talk about race and risk getting called out. I know that and you know that so let’s all be patient with each other.
I think this is a very interesting question, and one I have been (at times) consumed by as a parent. I am very insistent that my kids go to daycares and schools where they are not a supermajority as white kids. What I mean by that is that we didn’t want to send them to a place where there were less than say 1/3 kids of color. What that’s meant for us practically, is that our kids have ended up being in schools and daycares where they are in the minority as white children (see my related blog post called “Princess Neck Snap”–sorry, I can’t figure out how to link it). The reality is that most white people who can afford to opt out of diverse living situations, do. We picked the school district that we live in knowing that it did not have the highest test scores, over the higher test score district that was 95% white.
BUT (and there’s always a but)
1) My kids were born into a family where three generations of people (including their father) have gone to Harvard (although he REALLY doesn’t want them to go there).
2) They were born into a family where (on both sides), they will be the fourth generation to go to college, and if they choose to, to graduate school.
3) They were born to parents who have the financial resources to send them to (practically) any school in the country.
4) And more than that, they are growing up in a house surrounded by books, with parents who read to them every day and have time to help with homework, etc. They have a lot of privilege, and a lot of support.
For me, it is extremely important to know that my kids are growing up in a diverse community–not just racially diverse, but economically diverse as well. But I make that decision knowing that they have an immense safety net. I don’t know what I would do if my family and I were in a different situation.
I have a perspective from my own (white) childhood.
When I was in second grade, my parents had me bussed to a public school in Rochester, NY where I was one of about 3 white kids in my class. The class was about 30 kids, a combined 2nd and 3rd grade.
It wasn’t too bad being the minority. Some kids didn’t accept me and were mean to me, but others were my friend and I learned a lot from that. Also, I distinctly remember wishing I had hair like them (ironic, no?) Mine was incredibly straight and limp and I loved how my classmates could completely change their hairstyles and wear pretty beads, etc. I remember a conversation where we were comparing hair types and the girls all said how much they wished they could have hair like mine, but I wanted the opposite!
Also, I remember the white teacher was rather mean and unfair to the black students. I can’t analyse it much further than that because I really can’t remember that well. I do know that my education was simply not as good in that environment. When I moved to a suburban school in PA, I was very far behind. Enough that they thought I had learning problems when I didn’t.
As a parent, I am happy that at least my daughter interacts with some children of different races. About 1/5 to 1/4 of the children she interacts with daily are minorities, mostly through day care (her Kindergarten is much less diverse, unfortunately - only two children of color in a class of 15). Also, I’m glad that she’s had teachers of color. When she was 4, she had an African American teacher and started coloring people (from princesses to pilgrims) with a brown crayon. I thought that was sweet.
At our fellowship (I’m UU), there are a lot of interracial adoptions. I think this is why my daughter still doesn’t “get it” about color being hereditary. I wonder when kids figure this fact out? So far, I haven’t thought it necessary to explain it to her.
My kids play with children of different races. She is fostering a relationship with a nice Japanese family and is learning alot.
You seem to be a serious blogger going back to 2002. Check out my blog.
Here at work we hired a bunch of contractors. Now we have lots of Indians working here. Very diverse and different we will see it has only been a little while.
Part of the reason we moved to Philadelphia was for diversity– it was shortly after Kosovo and I was thinking a lot about world peace and thought that it came down to hating/fearing people who were different and the only part I have power over is my actions and how I raise my child. Then a couple days later a black boy walked down my street and I realized he was the first person of color I’d seen in my neighborhood in 9 months. And I realized that the neighborhood we were living was not condusive (sp?) to my ideas about world peace.
But shortly after we moved here I realized *I* had a lot of latent racism within me– I’m still not sure how to change that but I’m working on it. As a kid I was shipped 45 minutes to an elementary school where I was one of two white children in a class of 30 and it was very bad for me– besides being very dedicated to unschooling, that is another reason I am unwilling to send Steven to a school in the area. Very interesting that we moved here for diversity and created for my kids the exact schooling situation I hated as a kid . . . I also had the thought like the friend you mentioned– something to the effect of ‘would it serve Steven/world peace to have him see mostly negative stereotypes of other races?’ Unfortunately, it’s a poor city and there’s an abundance of negative stereotypes.
I don’t know. All I can tell you is that I’ve spent hours and hours contemplating this and still have not found peace with it.
Wow, Dawn - that’s a good one.
Disparate thoughts, hopefully cohesive at some point.
* I’ve always said that I’d rather live in an urban area, for the benefits of diversity, than a suburban, white-bread neighborhood. BUT - we just moved to a small country road, where the children play in the streets and in the woods all hours of the day, but where there are no african-american families - indian, asian, hispanic, yes.
*Our school is 100% wonderful and I love it and I won’t leave Austin because of it - yet - very few african-american familes/children attend. Again - asian, hispanic, indian aplenty.
* Our very best friends and my daughter’s sibling, practically, are a bi-racial lesbian couple with a biracial son. They are moving to Oakland in a year because of the abundance of diversity there vs. here.
I guess I’m landing where you are? It’s definitely important to me, but it’s one of many factors, and my main goal is to work to keep my children open-minded, tolerant, and respectful of everyone.
I think at the heart of the discussion about diversity, multi-culturalism, all of that is the reality of exposure and that’s something that’s important for children of every ethnic background. A lot of black children aren’t used to being around white people and have difficulties later when they enter the business world.
When people from different cultures get to know one another, not just a wave, but live, work, play with each other, then all the preconceived notions and prejudices fly out the window and we see each other as we are - human. My own belief is that, as parents, we have to make that happen in anyway that works for us.
And Dawn, as a black woman, I’m gonna call you out - for caring, for loving your children, for having the ovum to speak out about it.
I’m in Australia, so different situation - but same issues. I see that there are many overlapping issues and priorities in choosing a school.
Sending our child to a local school that we could walk to was a high priority for us. We had a choice between two neighbourhood public schools. One only takes kids from the local (affluent) area. The other has an open enrolment policy. We chose that one. There were other factors - we’re lesbian parents and although there is only one other lesbian family at the school, the principal and teachers had very progressive policies in place. They also accepted children with disabilities.
It turned out that choosing the open enrolment school means that in practise there is also racial/ethnic/economic diversity. So we’re very pleased about that - we semi-accidentally found a school which fits many of our requirements.
We are an adoptive family. Our daughter is Mexican American–we are white. I am all for diversity, but even when I support diversity, it can be an uncomfortable topic even in progressive, liberal Northern CA. In our small town, there is a large Mexican population, but the population comes mostly from literally one town in Mexico–and most of the families are first generation, largely uneducated/illiterate– even in Spanish. So, the Mexican community is not diverse, itself. It makes for a very weird situation in this town. And I’m not sure how our family will continue to walk between the two extreme worlds. My daughter is negotiating well at 7, but it is a different story as the kids get older. We are taking it year-by-year.
I grew up in an all white community and just as you said it allowed our family to embrace the concept of a color blind society.
Honestly? If we had living bio children diversity would be low on our list. Actually, I might not have even thought about it. I guess that is indicative of white priviledge, no?
Now that we have adopted interacially, it is very *very* high on our prioroities. I want her to attend a multicultural school… not where students sit together at lunch by race, but actually interact with one another… a school that fosters that type of befirending, I guess. Wish me luck. heheh.
Fortunately, in the city we live in we have choices. I have read a lot of literature that places multicultural (many races) over the same race as your (or my) child.
Um, sorry about all the typos above. Blush.
We moved from CA to Wash state when I was 10. The first day of school my sisters and I came home and told our parents how weird that school was because almost everyone was white (2 or 3 families of kids that weren’t). Before that I had no idea that there were places where everyone was white. It was a compleat culture shock to us. I would much rather Xavier grew up that way.
As an amusing sidenote I remember coming home a couple of months later very mad that the school had had ANOTHER fire drill that day, but still hadn’t had an earthquake one. I was convinced my life was being endangered.
I too am in Australia so quite a different situation, but the same issues, as Susoz said. I live in Canberra, the capital, which is very white and very middle class, and the chances of us moving away in the next decade or two are slim b/c of family responsibilities and closeness (parents and more to the point parents-in-law).
I have to admit diversity wasn’t a consideration at all when we were looking for a place to live. We were just looking for a house we could afford and that we liked - and that was within Canberra. We didn’t have any children yet then, but they were on the agenda.
We don’t have school age children yet, but it is something we’ve thought about. The school we really want to send our son to - because of it’s educational philosophies - is even more white than Canberra is in general, I suspect, which is something that concerns us. If that made it significantly different to our local public schools it might be a deal breaker, but in fact it doesn’t.
So the long and short of it is, yes, it is something we think about and have discussed but I guess we are at something like the place you were with your playgroup Dawn - we’ve discussed the lack of racial diversity in Liam’s peers and experience, but not come up with an answer.
I am one of those who grew up in a very white community and thus didn’t even know about negative stereotypes until I was a teenager.
I learned about slavery, the civil rights movement, etc in school and literally thought it was a thing of the past that had been eradicated. I also had no idea there was any such thing as modern-day anti-semitism. I thought it ended with WWII.
You know, I don’t know if that was a good thing or not. When I was young, probably. But as I got older my limited experiences with real Black people was more of a negative. I remember seeing the movie Boyz in the Hood when I was maybe 13. I had moved to a new school district with some Black students but not very many. Watching that movie I was extremely disturbed. It was the first time I ever got the idea that young Black men were something to be feared and it took me a long time to get past it (am I now? Though I work on it, I’m sure there is some part of me that hasn’t yet shaken it.)
I think with my own kids I’m going to be very careful about what kind of messages they get from media. I wasn’t ready for what I saw and didn’t have any REAL experiences with Black people to give me a reality check. Maybe if I’d known actual Black kids i could have tempered what I saw on the screen with what I actually knew to be true from experience.
I would love to find a diverse area to live in but we are also limited by finances and the inability to pay for private schools…we have to find a house that’s affordable AND in a safe place AND has a decent, safe school nearby, as we will probably be using the public schools next year.
Just a long ramble to say, I am still working through all this in my own head.
This is an interesting question that I think about a lot, because I find myself saying “we CAN’T do such-and-such, (or we MUST do it) because we have a black child.” But then I stop and think that if our child was white, the issue would be just as important.
I think Cole’s and my commitment to anti-racism actually came before our decision to adopt transracially, so we are white people for whom diversity was already a high priority and that made the transracial adoption a sort of no-brainer for us.
In other words, if our kids were white, we’d be jsut as concerned, though for different reasons and perhaps it would play out in different ways. Race is just a major issue of choice for both of us. (I’m not saying it should be everyone’s issue of choice–god knows there are plenty of issues out there that need attending to.)
I am so freaking late on this train and no one’s going to read it (but you, Dawn!) but only one thing strikes me in thinking about this. I don’t care. I don’t see myself picking a place to live based on diversity or lack thereof. It’s not a matter of geography. It’s a matter of parenting. I actually grew up with racist ideas, and I lived in a predominantly white suburb, but it was my parents who shaped my world and thinking. They were racist — not terribly so, but enough. Picking our house up and moving it to a new, more diverse area would not have changed that. Similarly, my husband and I shape our kids’ world. Putting them in the same room with a bunch of folks of different skin colors and ethnicities will not make them more aware of diversity — what we tell and teach them and expose them to will. The buck stops at home. Where we live now there are no black people, but it’s about one-third Mexican. There’s racism here. It can be anywhere. You just have to rise above it in your own home and your kids will follow your example without even realizing it.