Comments on: Dearest Gawdess asked

By: Janine

Janine — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 21:33:31 +0000

I’m laughing cause I was going to bring up the hair issue in my last comment but didn’t cause…I don’t know why, it can be difficult?

But since you brought it up! ;-D Hair is such an issue in the black community. We have our own prejudices about “good” hair and “bad.” (Good hair being the majority culture’s and bad being our own.) That perception started to change in the 60s and 70s but has backslid to old self-hate places. I like to use the terms “easy” and “hard” which have more to do with ease of dealing with it.

Your daughter’s hair may change and if it does I’d suggest going to the black part of town and finding a hairdresser there. My own point of view is that “hard” hair is wonderful - it’s thick and strong and oh, so African. It shouldn’t be ironed and permed to make it “easy.” Besides the issues of self-love, all those treatments damage the hair and scalp. That’s why you don’t usually see black people with long hair. (My documentation for this is that my Grandmother was a hairdresser.)

Corn rows, dreadlocks, afros - there are a lot of “natural” choices. Don’t worry about it, our hair can be “hard” but it’s fun. You can learn how to comb and braid and do cornrows on dolls with long hair - that’s how I did. Plus you have a beautiful girl to practice on. It takes time though so movies while you work help ;-D

Sorry to rattle on but one more thing. In the black community a how good a Mom you are is judged in public by how your child’s hair looks. So make sure parts are clean and straight! Ain’t it crazy?

By: brave

brave — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 20:51:36 +0000

Have you thought about the diversity of your synagogue? Since you go to a Reform synagogue, you’ll probably find the most diversity there. I find it so important to make sure our son knows that “Jewish” is not synonymous with “white”. We have found lots of types of families who look more like ours (through a variety of means) there.

By: Marla

Marla — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 17:07:46 +0000

I can really relate to this entry. I admit, I only read parts of this book and will reread it again at somepoint. But my struggle, as you expressed, is actually trying to figure out how to immerse ourselves into the Asian community (and by immerse I don’t mean all encompassing).

Fortunately, we live in a very diverse area –but– that doesn’t mean people actually integrate. So, it is going to take effort on my part to make it happen. I have already beeen discussing school (elementary just because it is a bigger commitment) and we have been talking about moving to an area where there are a lot of Asian children attending the schools. We are considering moving about 30 minutes away in about 5 years (I obsessively plan– can;t you tell?)

I can’t help but think that school will have the #1 impact on her. Maybe I’m wrong, but as a teacher I seem the how many hours in a day the children spend in a classroom and the social impact it has. On the other hand, I worry that she will not be accepted by the Asian community because she is adopted– will she be left out?

This is getting too long… you hit a topic I have spent a lot of time thinking about and haven’t worked it out.

By: landismom

landismom — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 15:03:12 +0000

This is really interesting to me, not because I am parenting a biracial child (although I have a bunch of biracial nieces and nephews), but because I am trying to actively raise my children in an anti-racist way. This involves doing things like sending them to a pre-school where they are in the minority as white kids, and generally putting them in situations where they are not in the majority. (I wrote about this recently in a post called “Princess Neck Snap” on my own blog.)

I think that in general, it’s pretty easy for white kids in this country to grow up without knowing anyone who looks different from them, or comes from a different economic class, and I just don’t want my kids having that experience. But it takes active work to do it, and lots of (white) folks look at me funny when I talk about it.

By: Kath

Kath — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 04:53:45 +0000

Thank you. So very much.
I ordered the book Inside Transracial Adoption from our library almost on a whim. Some of the things that were written at your blog had been percolating in the back of my mind and I thought it wouldn’t hurt to look into it a little further. I am so glad that I did.
I’m slightly embarrassed to say that I am/was the kind of person who didn’t think race mattered. In an, oh, we are all part of the human race and that’s what counts, sort of way.
Urg. At least I’m learning, even if only a little bit. And I’m going to keep trying to learn more so that I won’t be completely clueless when my newest additions come.
Mort thinking and more reading and probably more questions from me in the future!