Comments on: Possible fabulous opportunity

By: jen

jen — Sat, 19 Mar 2005 18:36:56 +0000

One of the things that I really like about reading your blog and admire about you is the way you take on challenges and the way you research things and inform yourself and this feeds your life and your writing.

But I think, for my own peace of mind, I would stop reading anything that anti-adoption people had to say, or worrying about it. If you didn’t know what they were saying, it wouldn’t weigh on you at all. And I think that this is a case in which ignorance is bliss.

I am adopted, as I have told you, and although not interracially adopted, I simply cannot imagine J.’s family being anything but warm toward you and loving Madison. I think of my own family and if one of my many young cousins who get pregnant as teens gave up a child for adoption, and how we would receive the family who adopted that child, and I can’t imagine that we would want the child back– it wouldn’t be “our” child to take back, related to it or not.

I think we would just be happy to meet more members of the family and we wouldn’t really think about it much further than that because we all have our own lives to live. As you have said, they are busy.

I think you might even be disappointed by how ordinary and boring it all is.

But I say this because I worry sometimes (never having met you) that you let your own hangups and guilt and all of the things you read interfere with what should be a peaceful and good decision. And a true enjoyment of YOUR child.

She is yours. No one can take her. How great is that?

By: Patience

Patience — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 15:21:27 +0000

My Hero!

By: babybaby

babybaby — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 11:36:57 +0000

hey there, it’s been a while. you continue to remind me that it’s possible to be, well, *grownup* about these hard choices and situations we find ourselves in. have a great trip.

By: Moxie

Moxie — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 06:15:11 +0000

Thank you again for letting us see this process, Dawn. And to Lisa and Katie and the other commenters who come from all different sides of the equation.

By: katie e.

katie e. — Thu, 17 Mar 2005 22:47:45 +0000

from the very beginning all of everyone’s extended family’s were involved in jonathan (and his sister’s) adoption. all of my extended family (on my mom’s side … my dad’s side of the family is a whole other ballgame) has met jonathan and his family (and extended family), and vice versa. same with his sister. in fact, their mother decided to make a regular event of it. every other year we have a “family holiday” during the summer wherein everyone’s extended familys and friends and those whole helped bring is together (i.e. social worker & attorney) are invited to catch up and visit etc.

from the very beginning we discovered that, for whatever reason, the people for whom the adoption was hardest to deal were the birthmoms’ fathers! they’ve adjusted well in the interim time, however. i really think that this is the best all-around for the kids - they’ll grow up knowing that EVERYONE supports them, and supports each other.

i also agree that extended family relationships are good for when the birthmom’s aren’t as able to be involved. this was the case when i was living in chicago, going to school, and wasn’t able to see him & his family as often as they would have liked. that my mom could go to his birthday party when i was 500 miles away deeply entrenched in my thesis made my missing the event much easier on all of it, and jonathan was thrilled to have some special grandma laura time.