this woman’s work

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Sandpaper throat and all. It’s quarter to nine and both children are sleeping (this is Madison’s first nap, which she decided to take a couple hours early). I should be working on my to-do list but I’m taking a break.

Brett and I are taking this whole “who quits their job” thing one day (week) at a time. He’s going to begin judicious use of his vacation time and we’ll see how that goes. We had a long talk about it last night and at least now we’re on the same page. Lately we’ve been so busy that one of us is always ahead of the other one on any given project so it was good to hash it out.

The problem with either of us quitting is that it’s been so nice to have enough money. Say Noah needs new shoes (and he does), now that we both have jobs we can go and get him shoes. Nice shoes, too, and not the payless ones, which are probably bad for his feet.

I’ve looked into mother’s helpers, too, and that’s still on the table. Problem is figuring out when because of Madison’s naps.

At least we’re thinking on it.

Here is what I’m learning so far about the antiadoption movement:
–The antiadoption people and the adoption reform people and the good-hearted, well- intentioned and loving adoptive parents have way more in common than you might first realize or that anyone will admit;
–There are many, many purposes of rhetoric;
–If you’re an adoptive parent and reading this stuff, you can choose to feel empowered to serve your child better but ai yi yi — it’s painful;
–Bad people make bad systems but not everyone who is involved with a bad system is a bad person;
–The road to hell may be paved with good intentions but I think the road to heaven may be, too.

I may have a point finally. I thought I had a point and then I wasn’t sure. And then I was doing so much interviewing that I had absolutely NO point and now I have a point again, which means eventually I’m going to have to stop all of this interviewing and hard thinking and actually write. Yikes.

AidelMaiden needs your help figuring something out.

We are considering moving our terminally ill relative into our home. She has been asking to come home with us every time we visit. I think both my husband and I want to make it happen for her. And it looks like insurance will cover her care/needs. But I want to know if anyone out there has had any experience with this.

If you have some useful thoughts on this, please head on over and share ‘em!

My mom’s present to me just came: JBL - Creature II

I’m in heaven.

(sigh)

Ok, so far I have found antiadoption activists to talk to me but I’m not having much luck finding anti-antiadoption people to talk to. See, I know that in the online messageboard/newsgroup communites there has been much heated debate about the subject and now I’m looking for people to talk about being in the trenches, so to speak, in antiadoption discussion.

I don’t really want to hear, “Yeah, they’re all crazy” because I figure everybody can decide for themselves what makes for crazy so I’m more interested in hearing about personal experiences. Mostly just chatting via email or phone, not necessarily for quotes. Right now I’m in the info-gathering stage and I’m taking lots of notes and I hope to have an article by next Monday.

Ambitious, that.

p.s. Madison said her — almost, kinda — first word today. She said “Rawr” and indicated the pretty star mobile that J gave her. Definitely a baby book moment!

I mean the negative responses to the post below. I’m not asking people to take on the experiences of someone else. But as a member of the adoption triad, I feel like it’s my responsibility to consider the opinions of people who disagree with my choices. Personally, I find that I often learn something if I listen to someone with an opposing point of view, especially when there are some points on which we’d likely agree.

Remember how I pitched the anti-adoption story? Well, the editor is interested in taking a look. On spec. That means I have to write it and then submit it and they can say no and not pay me a thing. But it’s for one of my long-time target markets so the risk is worth it.

This anti-adoption stuff is hard to read. It’s hard to know how to respond to it. And I’m fighting a small tension headache (and another tension earache) as I scroll through their sites. Still, it challenges me in a good way and so it may be that occasionally I’m posting something here that’s a bit inflammatory while I’m doing my research; now you’ll know why I’m hanging out ’round those parts.

Also, Dru said: I think it’s very important to examine the process of adoption and ensure that people who choose to adopt a child from another culture are screened and educated to ensure the child’s culture receives the respect it deserves.

Exactly. If you read the bios of the women who are behind the abductee activism, they have reason to be mad as hell. Does that mean that we have to assume that they speak for every transracially adopted child? No, of course not. But you know, I don’t want Madison to grow up and consider herself an abductee. Obviously, I can’t control how she defines her experience as a biracial child adopted by white people but I can prepare for the challenges. Part of this means reading about adoptee experiences that didn’t work. I can’t avoid every mistake and plan for every contingency but I think that reading beyond my comfort level can help me prepare.

I also think that the women are practicing a specific activism meant to reach out to other transracially adopted children who also feel like abductees. I think that “in your face” activism has its place although it certainly has its limitations, too. While it may not change my mind about choosing to parent Madison, it might save another adoptee who is feeling alone and misplaced. That has value.

It takes all kinds of activists to change the world including those who absolutely push past boundaries and cause a terrible ruckus and piss the rest of us off.

Abductees Speak: Transracial Adoptees Take on the Adoption Industry

There are rumblings of a transracial abductee movement just beginning to surface. The very structure of transracial adoption is based on assimilating to white American society, and mainstream transracial and international adoptee organizations continue to exist within this structure. Many adoptees are isolated from communities of color. To organize and pretty much reverse that assimilation process is a serious battle. Also, because racism has changed and evolved into new and more sophisticated forms, this has had major impact on the white people who choose to adopt children of color. Now, transracial adoption is viewed as the ultimate form of cultural competency that puts whites on the road to becoming worldly anti-racist people. Many choose to adopt children of color, not just because of the “save the needy” aspect, but for their own social gain and legitimacy in the world of people of color.

Definitely more to chew on.

Brenda Romanchik is the director of Open Adoption Insight and a birth mom. I’ve read her articles before (read them a lot while we waited for Madison) and they really helped me understand the value of open adoption and my responsibility as an adoptive parent.

One of the best things about being a freelancer is that when you’re writing an article on a topic that interests you, you get to speak to people that you admire. I was really nervous (but excited) about talking to her and not only did I get some great quotes, I also got to pick her brain about our relationship with J.

It was so helpful. And I feel so excited about it all again and I’m all hepped up and passionate about openness again.

I first met Meagan on a writing list when she was a cute little beginner with big dreams and little experience, just like a million other mama-wannabe-writers. She had high hopes, spunky determination and a great attitude. But having been on various mama-writer groups for half a decade now, I didn’t see much that was different in her than in the rest of us. Sure, she had talent but heck, I know a lot of women with talent. And yes, she was hungry for success but again, I know lots of people hungry for success.

What seems to happen to a lot of mom-writers with specific parenting goals (i.e., mothers who want to remain the primary caregiver for their kids or who aren’t done building their families) is that real life pushes writing right off the screen. (I speak from personal experience.) So Meagan seemed like a cheery addition to our group but I didn’t necessarily have her pegged for the big time especially when she got pregnant with her third kid because pregnancy is a sure way to get derailed. Unless you’re Meagan, I mean.

Meagan is hitting the big time and I’m here to tell you how she’s doing it. She wouldn’t want me to share her secret — in fact, she will likely deny it. She may even shoot me a really angry email telling me to cease and desist. But I think the truth needs to be said. How does she do it? How does she get big assignments and publishers knocking on her door while still holding down a part-time job and a homeschooling lifestyle with three kids? Is it neglect of said kids? Is it by ignoring her personal life and spending all day hammering on her keyboard? Is she sleeping with the editors? None of the above. You want to know? I’ll tell you:
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We hit a high of 67 degrees yesterday. (Today it’s going to be 65 and then the temperatures are going to plummet after 3pm.) I met my sister at the park and here are some pics. (Note: If you still need the password, let me know.

–Madison likes it when the wind blows in her face. She’s all about the elements.
–How to make your baby seem instantly grown? Stick her next to a smaller baby: Madison and Lucia
–This shot was for Noah: Madison’s wealthy hair.

Last night I went out with my friends and had Ethiopian food. Becca surprised me with every single gossip mag on newstands this week! One of my L friends was very jealous. Well, when she turns 35 maybe she’ll be so lucky. And believe it or not, she is even funnier in person.

The three of us bloggers bored our non-blogging friends with blogging gossip. I’m sorry about that except that it was fun.

It’s strange how my online world is meshing with my day-to-day world all of a sudden. I like it.