Now we are 4
Oct 18, 2004 Adoption
We adopted Madison today. Obviously, the picture above is not from the courtroom because we forgot our camera. It was pouring down rain — No, wait. That’s not right. It was raining sideways and we had to park three blocks away from the entrance. All four of us got soaked and in the rush to dash between raindrops, we left the diaper bag — with the camera — in the car. Rats. Drowned rats, which is what we looked like so maybe it’s a good thing that we didn’t get pictures.
The adoption procedure was … interesting. Our lawyer was so bored that she couldn’t stop yawning while we answered her questions. She also had Madison listed as an “infant boy” because her middle name is Michael. However the judge was very very nice.
They asked us some weird questions and Brett and I thought we’d share some of them for you here just in case you’re planning to adopt in the state of Ohio.
–You are aware that children come with no warranties? (What?! The agency said that we could return for a full refund for the first year and for a fair exchange for five years thereafter!)
–Do you feel Madison is better off with you? (We think she’s better off with us than in a Republican household but recognize that this is a matter of opinion.)
–How has your life changed since you got Madison? (I’ll give you the answer here that I gave them: Well, I’m a lot busier and I get less sleep.)
–Are you satisfied with this child? (She’s ok but do you have anything better in the back room?)
Etc. etc. We were both excited and nervous and the questions took us by surprise. We hadn’t expected them and we wondered how often someone leans into the microphone (the process is recorded) and says, “You know, come to think of it, this has all been a bit more of a bother than I expected and I suppose we’ve changed our minds after all.”
But we are very very happy — even giddy — that this is it — she is ours! We are hers!
And I had to add something wonderful Noah said the other day. Brett and I were talking about the discussions, why, on this blog as a matter of fact, and Noah heard us talking about “guarding our hearts” during those three days in the hospital.
“Didn’t you love Madison in the hospital?” he asked us. I told him that we were scared and didn’t know how to feel.
“Well, I loved her right away,” he admonished us. “I decided that she didn’t have to be my sister for me to love her.”
“What did you love best about her?” I asked him.
“Her feet. Her little feet and her little hands.”
He came to the adoption today, too, of course, and I think he was worried that it wouldn’t happen even though we told him it would. When I was waiting with him during Brett’s questioning he said, “Can’t we just take Madison and go? I don’t care if she’s not legally my sister!”
The best part was at the end where the judge legally pronounced us family and Madison celebrated by whacking the table in front of us so hard that I’m sure the tape of the proceedings will be totally obscured by her baby joy.
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Yesterday went swimmingly
Oct 18, 2004 Feminism/Politics
Here are my thoughts, written down right quick ‘cuz I have work to do, a shower to take, and a baby to adopt today!
1. I have great friends. I want to write more about my friends sometime so I’ll consider this a note to myself to remember to do that.
2. Pro-choice is not a monolithic movement; it’s a complicated moral stance that we reexamine on a regular basis. At the brunch we talked about (among other things) the way that parenthood changed our feelings about choice (for some of us, choice became more important; for others of us, we felt more ambivalence); the practical experience of working at a clinic (not all clinics are bastions of feminism, for example); and how some of us can both believe that a fetus is in fact a baby and still hold a pro-choice point of view.
3. I wish that more women had the opportunity to sit with like-minded women to discuss tough issues without the need to get defensive or the fear of someone getting offensive.
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Tags: feminism
Ack! to the 3rd power
Oct 16, 2004 Feminism/Politics
Tomorrow is my pro-choice brunch and I’m happily surprised to discover that there will probably be too many people to fit my teensy house comfortably. But all to the good. It was potentially uncomfortable to invite people because while I know the politics of my close friends, I don’t know the politics of my acquaintances and I wanted to be respectful of opposing views. As it turns out, there is only one person who rejected her invitation on political grounds. And I invited my pro-life friend to protest if she likes. I said I’d bring her out a danish if she wanted to march up and down my sidewalk. She laughed and said she’d pass.
I made a Trader Joe’s run with Noah to get food and the makings of Mimosas (I don’t really drink but some of my friends do) and Noah picked out some special cookies and some fancy drink for the three girls who will be coming. (Kids will enjoy the basement playroom during the bulk of the brunch.)
Hopefully it’ll all be good.
I really wanted my mom to come to speak her feminist mind. I feel so lucky to have a mother who talked to me from the get-go about issues that are important to women and who told me — age appropriately — about her own struggles. But she said that she’ll just get riled up so she’d rather skip it and stay home to bead. Rats. Still, she’s excited to hear how it goes.
I’ll let you all know, too.
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Write your letters!
Oct 14, 2004 Feminism/Politics
Here’s a handy list of Sinclair Broadcast Group Advertisers. Let them know if you’re as upset as I am over their proposed airing of this movie.
Not sure if it’ll work? Be inspired.
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A convenient phone call
Oct 14, 2004 Adoption
First all, I want to thank everyone participating in the discussion here for being patient with me as I work through this. I am learning a lot, too, and realized how much when J. called last night during the debates.
“Are you voting for monkeyboy or Frankenstein?” she asked me.
“Frankenstein all the way,” I told her.
“Right on.”
Yeah, she’s my kind of girl. But I digress!
This time when we talked about Madison, I filtered it through my new information and you know what? Magicpointeshoe and Kate are right that I’m projecting too much.
I realized that our occasionally awkward discussions about Madison are caused not by her secret grief but by the fact that there isn’t much for her to add after getting an update. So when I go on and on about Madison pulling up, she doesn’t really know what to say and then sometimes there’s an awkward silence while the conversation waits to shift. And I feel free now to appreciate that her interest in talking to me about other things — politics, her job, her school plans, etc. — speaks well of our relationship and her trust in me and — most importantly — in her decision.
I’m trying to remind myself that when J. tells me that I’m doing her a favour by parenting Madison, she’s telling me her truth. And that when she says, “I don’t know how you get up with her every night but I’m glad it’s you and not me!” She probably means it.
So Magicpointeshoe and Kate, I want to thank you for coming on here and sharing your point of view with me and helping me understand where I’ve been mistaken. You’ve done me a great service and I appreciate it!!!
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Tags: Madison