My article got killed
Aug 5, 2004 Writing
I’m trying to bounce back optimistically but my bounce is getting more and more labored. I sent queries on the topic to two other places and got rejections. One was very nice though. The other was generic. Rats rats rats double rats and some more rats.
This article was so damn hard. It was due, if you’ll recall, around the time Madison was, only Madison arrived early. I started working on it again when she was one or two months old and it was still really really difficult. My mind just wasn’t in a great place for the topic and it was hell to finish it. I respect the editors at Brain Child much too much to think they’re wrong about this — in fact I think they’re right — so I’m not angry about it being killed, just horribly disappointed. Actually to be perfectly honest, I am angry at myself for so clearly not getting it.
The hardest thing about being a working writer is the oodles of disappointment and never-ending blows to my self-esteem. It’s a terrific high when a piece sells but there’s so much work that goes before that. Trying to pitch stories, trying to convince someone to take a look, working on the edits to fit that particular editor, following up on loose threads to finish off the piece, and then I submit it and if they like it, then I turn my hopes to getting paid. (I’m chasing a $700 check that was due in April and the magazine won’t return my calls.)
So I’m feeling lousy about it today. Worse yesterday though — things must be improving.
The good thing (because you know that I will knock myself out to find a good thing) is that my email dialogue with my editors has been fruitful. I’ve been very frustrated with myself for not being able to put together a damn chapter outline for my stupid stupid stupid book. I know it’s because I’m still so confused about the direction and I’ve been furious with myself for not figuring it out by now. Talking to them and getting this piece killed has been helpful.
Sometimes I just want to walk away from this damn book idea (especially when I can’t even seem to get a straightforward article acceptance these days — although I did get a “Please send your clips for future assignments from a big, glossy women’s magazine,” which I am trying to use to salve my shattered ego) but I’d probably regret it later.
Sucks to me. Blech.
I’m going back on my word about sharing it here. I’m not ready to because:
1. I’m still trying to pitch it to someone, please god, someone take pity on me and publish this article that was such hell to write!!! And I think if I make it more service-y it might yet find a home.
2. Also now I’m sure it’s the most awful thing I’ve ever written and am too ashamed to show it to you.
August 5th, 2004 at 11:24 am
Dawn,
Don’t give up! You’re a wonderful writer! You are able to convey feelings and thoughts so well! I always enjoy reading your journal entries and I think you have wonderful ideas so don’t let the rejection get you too down! Hang in there!
August 5th, 2004 at 12:44 pm
I echo Jen’s words!! Many of us out here really enjoy your writing!!
August 5th, 2004 at 1:12 pm
Me, too!
You so beautifully articulate things that we struggle to express and constantly provide insight and wisdom… you are our voice as well as your own.
Please, keep going, please!
xxoo
August 5th, 2004 at 2:28 pm
You are a wonderful writer! I’m sorry they didn’t buy your article, and I hope you get your check soon.
August 5th, 2004 at 4:42 pm
Dawn, I’m so sorry the piece got killed.
I know you worked really hard on it, and the rejection is probably even harder because the subject matter is so personal for you. But please don’t lose sight of the fact that you’re a very talented writer, and you will find a way to place the article elsewhere in some form or another. I hear you about waiting on the check, too…ah, the life of a freelancer.
August 5th, 2004 at 9:07 pm
That really stinks. I do hope you share it with us one day… in whatever form it winds up taking. Because you wrote it, I simply refuse to believe it’s anything but stellar and I know it’ll find a home.
August 6th, 2004 at 3:39 am
“…and said the Cookie Monster, blech!”
August 6th, 2004 at 7:28 pm
Oh, Dawn. Stories that get killed are the hardest to take. Is this your first time? Learn from it, use the pain as it were, but realize also that this is not just about you. It’s about the magazine, and what they needed, and what they communicated to you, and probabaly a million other things that you aren’t even aware of. Trust me, I’ve been on the editorial side, and your editor is probably feeling just as bad as you are, because it was her job to guide you to a place where the piece was what they needed.
In any case, time to pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and stop talking nonsense about being ashamed of your work. You’re a wonderful writer who’s having a bad day. Now move on.
Big hugs.