Comments on: Respectfully disagreeing http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2004/05/21/respectfully-disagreeing/ dawn friedman's blog Mon, 13 Oct 2008 10:50:46 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc By: rob http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2004/05/21/respectfully-disagreeing/#comment-11250 rob Tue, 25 May 2004 18:16:15 +0000 http://thiswomanswork.com/?p=1166#comment-11250 What I really wish is to hear from adopted children who are now adults... and who experienced the open adoption. In my opinion, the primary focus of a completely open adoption (visitations, etc) should be the child. Too much focus, from what I have read, is placed upon the birth mother's feelings (which, while extremely valid, are -- obviously -- not as important to me as my future adopted child's feelings). Does anyone know of any blogs or books of adopted children from open adoption (now adults, or teenagers) who could provide me with this much needed perspective? What I really wish is to hear from adopted children who are now adults… and who experienced the open adoption.

In my opinion, the primary focus of a completely open adoption (visitations, etc) should be the child. Too much focus, from what I have read, is placed upon the birth mother’s feelings (which, while extremely valid, are — obviously — not as important to me as my future adopted child’s feelings).

Does anyone know of any blogs or books of adopted children from open adoption (now adults, or teenagers) who could provide me with this much needed perspective?

]]> By: brave http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2004/05/21/respectfully-disagreeing/#comment-11249 brave Mon, 24 May 2004 22:27:04 +0000 http://thiswomanswork.com/?p=1166#comment-11249 Prospective adoptive parents do go through counseling and screening before they are able to adopt -- it's called a homestudy! It include in-home visits with a qualified social worker, writing essays about everything from your childhood to your relationship with your partner, child abuse clearances,(PLUS INS clearance if you adopt internationally), possibly other adoption education classes and reading. I think adoptive parents typically do lots of education and self-weeding. I think it is unrealistic to expect ANY parent not to let their insecurities or any other neuroses affect their parenting. Of course they do! Expecting people who became parents through adoption to be on a higher moral or emotional plane is not fair. just my two cents. Prospective adoptive parents do go through counseling and screening before they are able to adopt — it’s called a homestudy! It include in-home visits with a qualified social worker, writing essays about everything from your childhood to your relationship with your partner, child abuse clearances,(PLUS INS clearance if you adopt internationally), possibly other adoption education classes and reading. I think adoptive parents typically do lots of education and self-weeding.

I think it is unrealistic to expect ANY parent not to let their insecurities or any other neuroses affect their parenting. Of course they do! Expecting people who became parents through adoption to be on a higher moral or emotional plane is not fair.

just my two cents.

]]> By: Carrie Pavlin http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2004/05/21/respectfully-disagreeing/#comment-11248 Carrie Pavlin Sat, 22 May 2004 07:39:49 +0000 http://thiswomanswork.com/?p=1166#comment-11248 Well, that didn't work. Here it is: <a href="http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=572&ncid=572&e=3&u=/nm/20040521/lf_nm/tech_adoption_dc_1" rel="nofollow">http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=572&ncid=572&e=3&u=/nm/20040521/lf_nm/tech_adoption_dc_1</a> Well, that didn’t work. Here it is: http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=572&ncid=572&e=3&u=/nm/20040521/lf_nm/tech_adoption_dc_1

]]> By: Carrie Pavlin http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2004/05/21/respectfully-disagreeing/#comment-11247 Carrie Pavlin Sat, 22 May 2004 07:38:31 +0000 http://thiswomanswork.com/?p=1166#comment-11247 I saw this adoption article on Yahoo I saw this adoption article on Yahoo

]]> By: Carrie Pavlin http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2004/05/21/respectfully-disagreeing/#comment-11246 Carrie Pavlin Fri, 21 May 2004 23:06:13 +0000 http://thiswomanswork.com/?p=1166#comment-11246 You rock, Dawn. What can we say to you, who are so obviously cooler than (well, me, at least ...)? Other than "Thank you"? J. is lucky to have you, not because she doesn't have rights, but because you're not taking them away from her. A mother has a tie and a bond and a responsibility to her child. She may not alway be able to care for that child, but that choice and those bounderies should be set by her, as long as she is a healthy influence in the child's life. I could never agree with adoptive parents who agree to an open adoption and then take that away, just because the child wants more time with the birth mother, or the birth mother wants more time with the child. I personally think that adoptive parents should go through counseling or classes or some kind of profile ... to make sure that their own insecurities aren't going to affect the way they raise their new child. Ok, to be fair ... I think all parents should take a class first. Plenty of birth parents screw their kids up too. I'm just thankful that you and Brett don't seem to fall into that category. You rock, Dawn. What can we say to you, who are so obviously cooler than (well, me, at least …)? Other than “Thank you”? J. is lucky to have you, not because she doesn’t have rights, but because you’re not taking them away from her. A mother has a tie and a bond and a responsibility to her child. She may not alway be able to care for that child, but that choice and those bounderies should be set by her, as long as she is a healthy influence in the child’s life. I could never agree with adoptive parents who agree to an open adoption and then take that away, just because the child wants more time with the birth mother, or the birth mother wants more time with the child. I personally think that adoptive parents should go through counseling or classes or some kind of profile … to make sure that their own insecurities aren’t going to affect the way they raise their new child.

Ok, to be fair … I think all parents should take a class first. Plenty of birth parents screw their kids up too. I’m just thankful that you and Brett don’t seem to fall into that category.

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