Snowfall
Jan 24, 2004 Writing
We woke up to a beautiful blanket of snow outside. Noah fixed us breakfast as an enticement to get us out of bed at the challenging hour of 8am. Now the boys are sledding at the park.
I’m trying to grab all of this sudden passion I have for my book proposal again since I know it could disappear at a moment’s notice. I am helping to organizing some resources for crits and I also sent the sample chapter both to a magazine editor who expressed interest in it some time ago and to a friend of mine who works at helping people market proposals. I am really hoping that the editor does decide to run it not only because it’s fun to have stuff in magazines but because I know her edits will be invaluable. Also I think it will help sell the proposal if I can show that there’s a market for my writing on this particular topic.
I’m still having a hell of a time finding what the unifying thread is in the book. As most of you know, it’s an infertility memoir but I while I know the infertility story is a crutch for a bigger story, I can’t figure out what the bigger story is.
I got an anthology of essays used in college writing classes and the version I got is an old examination copy so it has all the little notes to teachers. I’m not a very good reader. I mean, I’m a good reader in that I’m fast and voracious but my critical thinking skills are abysmal, which is the more important thing anyway. I get so caught up in the story that I forget to notice how the author has managed to catch me up. This is the only thing I miss about English classes; I liked having a guide through the work provided that the guide was a good one. At Ohio State, some of my professors were absolutely terrific and if I was the type of person to have regrets, I might have a hint of regret about not finishing out my degree there. Fortunately I don’t do much dwelling on regrets, besides if I felt inclined to wallow I can always remember my terrible foreign language grades and then feel happy that I switched to sociology.
I feel hopeful though. I haven’t had the impetus to look at this proposal for some time and now that I’ve made the decision to not take the other job, I feel ready to focus on some long-term goals. I’m glad I spent the last year learning more about the industry and getting some good experience and now this year, I’m ready to work on being a better writer.
Possibly related posts
Tags: essay, Infertility, Noah
Done!
Jan 23, 2004 Writing
I finished my last two assignments and I’m free again! Hooray! It was good having unexpected work these past two weeks. I find waiting for a baby infinitely easier when my life is busy. It’s also interesting how doing work begets work, just like having ideas begets more ideas.
I’m doing some small things in my life to try to make it possible for me to reach my goal of a completed book proposal and a focus on how to sell to an agent. I’ve had three rejections so far but when I look at my letter, I can see that I’m not doing a very good job of explaining what my book will do because frankly, I don’t have any idea.
I also want to learn to be a better critic and so I’m talking to some writer-friends about that.
Possibly related posts
Shame-faced
Jan 22, 2004 Feminism/Politics
A divided Senate approved the bill 18-15 Wednesday and sent it back to the House, expected to approve minor changes next week. Gov. Bob Taft has said he will sign the bill.
Marriage between a man and a woman is the best environment for children, although adults can form whatever “household relationships they want,” said Sen. Jeff Jacobson, a Dayton-area Republican who voted for the bill.
Ugh. I just don’t get it. I don’t understand how giving people legal rights is a problem. If you’ve got the religious conviction that gay marriage is wrong, then I strongly urge you not to marry a gay person. Recognizing gay marriage doesn’t hurt straight people. It doesn’t hurt married straight people. It doesn’t hurt married straight people who are against gay marriage. So let’s just recognize it and move on, ‘kay? I’m sure there will still be many, many conservative religious leaders who will refuse to conduct gay marriage ceremonies and stuff so all the people who are against gay marriage can go to their churches and synagogues and talk about how the rest of us are going to hell. But let’s keep religion out of our government decisions, shall we?
I really really really hope that Ohio does the right thing here.
Possibly related posts
Thanks be to backupbrain
Jan 22, 2004 Read/heard/seen
Backup Brain’s Dori made a bookmark that allows me to trackback again with Safari. Now if only she could get my CD burner to work in Panther…
Possibly related posts
Precalls Part II
Jan 21, 2004 Adoption
Aaron asked if these were questions taken directly from the agency and I wanted to let you all know that they’re not. They have intake sheets (I don’t know if they call them that but they’re similar to the intake sheets we used at shelter) and they fill them out with the women over a series of interviews. They don’t just fire questions at them and I think I wrongly made it sound like they do.
The agency wants babies in homes where they are wanted and so they do their best to warn parents of any issues that might be pertinent to their adoption, no matter how seemingly inconsequential. This is to protect the babies. Obviously, there’s no guarantee when it comes to adoption (or to birth, for that matter). The other thing is that finding out if waiting adoptive parents do have unrealistic expectations is really important. If someone keeps saying no to every precall for pretty minor reasons, the social workers are going to gently encourage them to reexamine their commitment to adoption.
I know that it can be hard to imagine people saying no because a mom took cough syrup but saying yes in theory is really different than saying yes in a real adoption scenario. I used to tell people that we would adopt but once we were really adopting, well, it’s whole different emotional ballgame. We personally feel comfortable with a range of risk factors but I can appreciate a family who isn’t ready or willing to take that leap.
There are a lot of steps to becoming ok with adoption after infertility (I don’t have experience with adoption without the infertility factor so I can’t speak to that). You have to let go of the bio-baby — the joys of pregnancy, seeing your eyes in a baby’s face; you have to let go of all control — when baby will arrive, how s/he will arrive, whether or not baby will get good prenatal care. That’s really hard. I personally don’t think it’s entirely healthy to have a sense of entitlement before you even get a precall, but I know that some parents are emotionally tied to a baby that doesn’t even exist yet. So when they get a precall about a mom who’s making some poor health choices, it can be hard for them to say, “Well, it’s her baby and she’s going to keep having a beer or two on Friday night and we can say no or yes to being involved.” Instead they say, “How can she do that to her/our baby?”
Someone was telling me tonight about a waiting adoptive couple who were trying to influence the birthmom’s birth plan. I’m not saying that it’s right, I’m just saying that looking at adoption as a bystander and going through it are pretty different. I personally don’t want to tell any woman she can’t have an epidural if she wants one but I can see how someone else might want to have a say. Frankly, it’s hard for me to let go of the circumcision thing. I’d love to have a say in that but I don’t. So be it. So goes adoption.
Basically, for a waiting adoptive parent who is really trying to make sense of this great grief, and trying to build a family about which she’s been dreaming forever, and who has been denying herself coffee or cigarettes or Robitussin for years while she tries to have a baby, it can take some adjustment to say yes to a precall situation. Finally, I don’t think there’s enough counseling for adoptive parents, especially in most private adoption scenarios.
OK, now on to how it is to get a precall. The potential birthmom’s social worker calls us and tells us this is a precall and then she gives me time to get a pen and paper. Then she starts listing info and it comes out kinda like this: Read the rest of this entry »
Possibly related posts
Tags: boyfriend, Brett, Infertility, Shelter
