Black hole of need
As any parent knows, most kids need more love and attention than even the most loving and attentive parent can ever give. Hug them once, they want twice. Cuddle them for an hour, they want two. I once thought that it was possible to love them enough but now I know that there’s no such thing as enough.
I used to think that Noah was psychic because as a baby, he would wake and fuss if Brett and I even glanced at each other with a modicum of lust in our hearts. When he was a teensy-tiny toddler, he would cry if Brett and I hugged. As a preschooler, he would simply insert himself between us. Now at the ripe old age of 6.75, he still gets annoyed if there is any parental affection going on that doesn’t include him.
I think he’s a lot like me.
I was the classic middle-child. My mom always said that if a door was going to slam on somebody’s fingers, it would be on mine, meaning that I always seemed to get short changed. My brother came along when I was 27 months old and my mom feels guilty to this day because she thinks I needed more lap time. But if Noah is any indication, there could not have been enough lap time in the world to make me happy.
It’s the biggest reason that I think this whole infertility thing worked out for the best. Noah still doesn’t like the whole idea of sharing mommy and daddy time but at least he’s old enough to understand that babies have to be fed and rocked and comforted. And now he can actually allow Brett and me to show each other affection without taking it as a personal slight.
This morning he had a melt-down because Brett and I were sitting on the couch together, all cuddled up and drinking a latte and mocha respectively. Noah was happily in his room but then he came in looking for something and caught us reading the newspaper all tangled up together. You would have thought that we were dismantling his toys or planning to get rid of the dog behind his back for all of the shock and horror. Then there was a big tussle as he tried to find a way to sit in the loveseat with us and get exactly as much physical contact with me as he was sure I had with Brett. (If Brett held my hand, he wanted the other one. If I had a foot on Brett’s leg, he wanted to lean against my other leg.) What with hot coffees AND a need for some adult conversation, mommy and daddy were not very understanding and much crying ensued.
Argh.
Now he and Brett are taking a bath together. An hour earlier he and I read a chapter book while Brett finished the paper. Maybe this will buy Brett and me a chance to hold hands when we go to Boo at the Zoo this afternoon. Then again, it might not.
Oh well. The kid is hurtling to adulthood pretty darn quick. Give us a few more years and I’ll be begging him for a hug. Meanwhile, Brett and I feel like star-crossed lovers, stealing a glance here and a quick smooch there.
“I’ll meet you in the hall,” Brett whispers lovingly in my ear as I fix Noah a waffle. I bat my eyelashes at my handsome husband and he winks back.
“What are you saying???” screeches Noah from the kitchen table. “What are you two whispering??? Tell me! Tell me! I wanna know, too!!!”
Brett slips away, squeezing my hand as he goes and I turn again, smiling, to the steaming waffle iron. Noah glares at me with suspicion then goes back to his drawing.
Saturday morning romance. You can’t beat it with a stick.
ah, the need for a child under 1 becomes clearer.
and, wow. an aspect of parenthood i knew nothing about.
I *love* your perspective on this. You’re not talking a weekend away or “putting him in his place” but valuing his feelings and including him in your love for your husband. Very nice
What a lovely post. It is such a challenge. I’m trying to find the tiny windows when my hormones aren’t getting my wires all crossed AND the baby (4months) is otherwise occupied…amen for a loving and patient man who is fulfilled for now being a group instead of a couple.