Explaining things
Just ‘cuz it’s confusing, I’m going to explain again that a precall is nothing really. Our bio (in theory) goes out any time there’s an interested birthmom looking for, say, a home with a dog or a big brother nicely in place. Most of the time that it goes out, we don’t know anything about it. A precall is only different because we get a heads up. For all I know (I don’t ask) our bio might be out with three different women right now.
The reason the agency doesn’t call us every time a bio goes out is that it would drive us insane to get excited over and over again. This is a major reason that I both love and dread pre-calls. On the one hand, it’s something specific on which to hang some hope. On the other hand, hope is a dangerous thing.
If the birthparents pick us (interestingly both mom and dad are involved, which is fairly unusual), then we will leave the pool and wait for the baby to be born. Then we wait to see whether or not they decide to parent. Because of this, I’m not going to be nearly as sad if we don’t get picked as I was last time. That mom was due 10/29 so if we had matched and then she decided to parent, we wouldn’t have lost a lot of time. But two months out of the pool feels really scary to me.
Best case scenario waiting-wise would be one of the occasions when birthmom calls the agency from the hospital and asks to see some bios. There’s no waiting there and no-waiting sounds appealing.
But back to reality, obviously if these birthparents picked us, we would take that risk because we knew that this process would be emotionally risky from the get-go. Will I like it? No. Will I be doom and gloom and dread for the whole two months? Most likely. Will I become increasingly hysterical as we get closer to her duedate? Without a doubt.
The rabbis (the sages of old) said that it was wrong to pray for something that was already true. For example, it’s wrong to pray for a baby of one sex or another while pregnant because the baby-in-utero already is a boy or a girl. That’s how I feel about praying that a particular baby (say the baby in this precall) will be ours. I believe that who will be the parents of each baby is already known to the universe; it just hasn’t been made known to us and so I feel uncomfortable praying that the baby will be ours. My prayers that our baby will come to us soon and that God will grant me patience in waiting but when I know about a specific situation, it’s much harder to do that because I find myself daydreaming about this particular baby.
I had a dream about you (last night)and a baby that came available for adoption. In my dream, the baby was going through withdrawl (cocaine) but you chose to adopt her anyway. I remember being very conflicted about your decision but you seemed very confident as was Brett.
Weird that I would dream this, huh?