this woman’s work

Brett was annoying me. He woke up in a teasing mood and drove Noah and me to distraction. I told him that I was going to make a list of the top reasons I should leave him. Here it is:

Six Reasons to Leave Brett
1. His annoying habit of shaking his head and saying “It’s a scorcher!” repeatedly throughout the day when the temperature is over 85 degrees.
2. He reads road signs — with feeling — while driving and makes up songs about them.
3. He waits until I’m trying to cook dinner to get amorous. (My friends say their husbands are this way, too. Something about a hot stove and inmpending food, I guess.)
4. He changes everyone’s names to suit himself. Thus I am “Freebish,” Noah is “Chomsky” (get it?), and the dog is “The Shea.” He says he doesn’t care what we name the baby because he’s just going to make something up anyway.
5. The way he leaves the room in the middle of an argument then comes back with his pants hiked up to his armpits to try and distract me.
6. If that doesn’t work, he interrupts my tirade by saying, “Oh but you love my little eccentricities!”

Six Reasons to Stay
1. He’s pretty funny.
2. Road trips are always entertaining.
3. Although I’d prefer it after I’m done cooking, it’s nice to be the object of amorous affection.
4. The nicknames make me laugh.
5. He likes to make up more than he likes to fight.
6. I do kinda love those little eccentricites.

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