Comments on: What my mama said

By: Angela

Angela — Thu, 31 Jul 2003 06:13:17 +0000

I’ve always know that my mother adores my sister and I, and even w/ fertility problems (took her 5 years w/ me and 8 w/ my sister) she let the first (me) happen when it would which means she didn’t visit a doctor nor fret about not being able to conceive. Unlike me that mourns the loss of fertility she felt she could have led her life without children (she had the second because of me) - She and I have talked about this often and I although I couldn’t have asked for a better mother I understand that she would have been just as happy w/out us. She felt guilt about this “selfishness” for quite a while.

By: mudra

mudra — Wed, 30 Jul 2003 03:01:32 +0000

As you know, I’ve been on both sides of the fertility fence - unable to conceive for many years when I really wanted to, and then conceiving after sterilization when I definitely didn’t want to. I agree that we don’t talk enough about ambivalence. I also think that when you have to go to greater lengths than the norm to have a child, there’s this unspoken expectation that you’re never supposed to complain about how hard mothering is or express that having another child is a difficult decision to make. Again as you know, I have two children less than 2 years apart and it is HARD. I would never consciously choose it. It’s hard to look back and try to revise history. I’m happy with all of my children and can’t imagine electing to be without any of them now that I’ve gotten to have them in my life. But if I could turn back the clock, I might do lots of things differently.

By: ModernMother Tamra

ModernMother Tamra — Wed, 30 Jul 2003 01:19:05 +0000

I don’t know how I’ll feel in twenty years, but right now I feel like I was born to have a big family. I have three and are in the process of adopting a fourth, and I honestly can’t imaging stopping here. (LOL quote me on that next year when I have toddlers 10 mos apart!) In truth I have fantasies of having 15 kids, most adopted with special needs. But DH is totally not on the same page, so it may not happen. His main concern is the finances of course. I sure hope he gets a BIG OL’ raise sometimes soon!

I do feel like people think I’m nuts to want more kids. *sigh*

By: Turtlemama

Turtlemama — Wed, 30 Jul 2003 00:38:40 +0000

What?! It’s bad to have thoughts of not wanting kids close together? CRUD! I could have had yet ANOTHER mommy thing to feel guilty about! I’m totally kidding, BTW.

I think I was lucky, I’ve never really had that whole ‘mother guilt’ over how many kids, when to have them, etc…I just knew when the time was right and we started trying…granted the youngest took us a while to conceive, but I figured if it was meant to be it would be, when it was the right time.

This is probably why I don’t have very many real-life Mommy-Friends…I’m way too relaxed about being a mom. I love my kids, would defend to the death, either one of them. BUT, I also know that I have to have a life too…because when it’s all said and done, they’ll be adults with their own lives and I’ll be ‘Mom’ a few times a year.

I think your post was excellent and more moms should understand that it IS OK to be a little selfish every once in a while, I’d venture to say it’s healthy.

By: cathy

cathy — Tue, 29 Jul 2003 23:52:24 +0000

What time zone are you in? It’s just after noon here, but the time listed after my above post is 6:31!

I agree with -d. Desires and feelings DO change with situations and hindsight.