How not to get a writing job
1. Send a bad query. Not only a bad query, an inappropriate query. Send it in the body of your email with an intro that basically says, “Look what I can do, you should hire me!” Then paste in a terrible essay with misspellings, grammar mistakes and no basic understanding of how the English language works. This essay includes sterling lines such as, “Yah honey I know that I have a few extra pounds on me, hmmm wonder why that is. lol Well it is almost time to get me to the hospital for weight control.”
2. Get a short, polite rejection.
3. Add the editor (me) to your conservative religious forward list and then send the editor (me again) a conservative religious email saying that Christians are persecuted because off the separation of church and state and that this is a Christian country and dammit, non-Christians should just shut up and be grateful for being here.
4. When editor (did I mention this is me) responds by saying, “Take me off of your forwarding list, this is way unprofessional not to mention offensive to me as a non-Christian.”
5. Respond with a half-assed apology that includes something about how sorry you are that the editor (ME!) doesn’t support religious freedom and that as a “Christian Jew” [sic] you think the editor is mistaken.
True story. So Jackie, when you worry that you’re being a nuisance? Know that your well-constructed, valid emails are a breath of fresh air.
HUG! (cause I think you need one) I just recently came across a quote, that I have since added to my e-mail signature.
Joseph Stalin said:
Everybody has the right to be stupid, but
some people abuse the privilege.
What’s up with the pushy Christians? I’ve had to block my own relatives from my email account. Frank Lloyd Wright dubbed my town, which shall remain nameless, the placed filled with wide lawns and narrow minds–it seems that today this quote applies to far too many Americans regardless of where they happen to hang their hats!
Mamamojo
Now, now… a real Christian would never swear
Ugh - so sorry for all you are dealing with of late-Super HUGS!
Oh man Dawn, I think I just had an aneurysm reading that.
I hope your stress level is decreasing, I’m thinking about you and sending every “hire Dawn for a sexy job” vibe I can scrape up in your direction.
well, hey, i didn’t know i was up against such stellar competition!
thanks for the laugh, trying to figure out how people’s brains work sometiems makes me think my own brain is slowly spilling out my ears
what a riot, not for you while it was happening perhaps, but now, what a hoot!
i’m so glad i stumbled upon your blog (thanks to dru’s extensive links). it’s so nice here! i’m new to blogging but i’ll be bookmarking you!
Too funny!!!! It takes all kinds, no?
LittleMiss