More comments re., biracial
I agree that people shouldn’t adopt a child whose ancestry is going to be something difficult for them to deal with and folks need to be honest with themselves. And I think it’s fortunate that those of us who are adopting have different needs because all sorts of children need adoptive families.
The part that disturbs me about the biracial stipulation is something that tonight’s social worker (and other adoption social workers I’ve talked to online and in person) said: That plenty of people who *only* want biracial babies are gambling on getting a baby with a lighter complexion. Two social workers in different states told me about families who brought adopted babies back at four and six months and relinqueshed parental rights before the adoption was finalized because the baby was too dark. (Babies of color are often born lighter and their complexions darken as they get older.)
Does his mean all families who will adopt a biracial baby but not a full African American baby think this way? Of course not and I don’t mean to tar them all with the same brush. But as I personally explore transracial adoption, these issues become more relevant to me.
To want a child so much, then be given a gift from God and another woman, to return this gift because of a skin tone…. it makes me literally ill to my stomach to think about it.
-d
It makes me sick to think of someone returning an adopted child based on color! Then again, if they really feel that way it’s best for the child to be raised in another home.
We went to a seminar on transracial adoption and I left with two major insights that I had not thought of previously. First, biracial children look black to our society. They face all the discrimination that a fully black child would. A biracial child with white parents will face the same challenges as a black child with white parents. Second, by adopting a child with heritage other than your own you are becoming a minority family. People will stare and make assumptions about your family based on how it looks… Not just about the child as an individual.
Adoptive parents need to carefully consider these things when going for a transracial adoption. On the bright side, most multi-racial families are happy, well-adjusted, and wonderfully tolerant because they have to face these very issues.
I just want to confirm Maria’s comments, as a member of a multi-racial family; one of my adopted brothers had a white father and black mother, and she’s right — from day one he’s been “Black” to the outside world, and I’m including onlookers from all races. The members of my family who are half-asian or half-native and white all are considered “multiracial” but not him.
My entire extended family is multi-racial, in fact, including cousins, in-laws, etc, and while it’s true that it makes your whole family multi-racial, I can honestly say that the flack we get for it today is pretty minimal at most. Things were different when I was little, but today we rarely even get a stare.
I’m not going to lie, there have been a few negatives, especially for the brother in question — but I think they’re all surmountable. And it’s not like families with no adopted members can’t have horrific problems, so who’s to say it’s any different in the long run?
You know, that reads kind of negatively, which is not what I intended at all. Let me add that while there are negatives which I think a lot of people (not you, obviously, Dawn) don’t consider, the overall picture is incredibly positive. A loving parent is a loving parent, no matter whether or not they and their child look alike.
That makes me want to run down there with a car seat yelling, “Give those babies to me! I’ll take them home and love them!” I just can’t fathom taking care of a baby for 4 or 6 months, regardless of its race, and then giving it back. That’s actually why my husband and I haven’t applied to be a foster home yet. I think I’d go crazy having to give a kid back.
if this is the case, i think parents need to think about why the hell they’re adopting in the first place. selfish whim? ego-styled hallmark fantasy?
or honest desire to share life with a child?
jesus. i’ll take those babies even though i’m unmarried and can’t afford them. my son would understand.
This has always bothered me.
One thing that made us very uneasy was when the adoption agent told us that our daughter was VERY light, in fact she kept saying it over and over again. Also, in the birth mother’s profile they added “tan” and “olive for the mother and father’s skin tones. They were trying very hard to ’sell’ the child to us as light (when we expressly said it wasn’t an issue). Seemed like something they did often.
She was light at birth, very light. She darkened considerably and is very beautiful.
What bother’s me about parents returning children because they are not as ‘light’ as they hoped, is not that the parents wanted light children (you have to decide what you are and are not open to, no guilt or judgment), its that they returned the children. It is traumatic for the child, even at a few months to be torn from their nurturers. As prospective parents they should be well aware of the possibilities and be prepared to accept them, not return a child. I wish they and considered that before they accepted a biracial child. Still, I guess its better for the child to find a new home than grow up in one where the parents are not fully accepting. (We’ll take them!! :).
Sorry for the soapbox. just something we’ve seen a few times.
skin color
A recent entry in This Woman’s Work (a great blog, btw, a mother, writer, adopting a child), mentioned adoptive parents
skin color
A recent entry in This Woman’s Work (a great blog, btw, a mother, writer, adopting a child), mentioned adoptive parents
skin color
A recent entry in This Woman’s Work (a great blog, btw, a mother, writer, adopting a child), mentioned adoptive parents
skin color
A recent entry in This Woman’s Work (a great blog, btw, a mother, writer, adopting a child), mentioned adoptive parents
skin color
A recent entry in This Woman’s Work (a great blog, btw, a mother, writer, adopting a child), mentioned adoptive parents
skin color
A recent entry in This Woman’s Work (a great blog, btw, a mother, writer, adopting a child), mentioned adoptive parents
anyone who thinks “biracial” in the US is not seen as African American needs to read “Inside Transracial Adoption” by Beth Hall and Gail Steinberg. They are adoption professionals and adoptive parents.
As a mother of a biracial baby, i would agree that adoptive parents need to understand what they are getting into before adopting a baby. My daughter was very light (almost white) when born and you couldnt even tell her father was full african american until she got older and now she is viewed as a “black” baby,and it is more difficult for people to accept her. All we do is show her love and thats what matters most. If you cant love a child because of their skin color, there’s no use in trying to convince the child or yourself that your are a family, because a family accepts that person for what they are inside and out.
any person willing to give up a life because of skin color isn’t deserving of that life…
i, personally am expecting a child in a few months, and it will be a biracial baby…the father is black, i am white…the color of it’s skin makes no difference to my love for the child. love is pure, love is blind…love is felt within, not dependent on outward appearance. shame on the people who could not understand what it means to truely love!
HI, I am starting to date a great girl that has two bi-racial children. I hope to have a long term relationship with the kids Mom. She and I are of the same race. I want to research information on the blended family issue as it relates to coming into a bi-racial family. Does anyone have suggestions as to resources for this issue? Specifically as it relates to a totally Christian Family. Both of us, along with our respective kids, are Full On devoted Christians.
Our adopted son (biologically my first cousin) is biracial. When we learned that his birthmother (my aunt) was having a baby she knew she could not raise, although she wanted to, and was hoping to place her baby with someone she knew, we did not care whether the baby was a boy or girl, and race did not matter either. We were just thrilled to have a chance at having a baby. We had miscarried twins that would have been 2 and a half months old by that point, had they survived. Race didn’t matter, we just wanted children. I learned from my aunt that our son’s skin color would darken as he grew older, until he was about 2 years. She has 2 other biracial children she is raising, who are in gradeschool or middle school. She told me how she deals with her sons’ hair, and that our son would probably have “Mongolian spots” and not to worry about them. That was it. I wouldn’t care if my son were green with purple polka-dots, I would still love him just the same. After over 5 years of struggling with infertility, and 3 miscarriages, children we would be honored to love and raise would be blessings to us, and skin color would not matter a bit. (We even made the decision that if our infertility treatments necessitated using donor eggs or sperm, we would choose an African American donor. It would at least keep people guessing which of our children might have been adopted, and perhaps they would not have the guts to question us or our children about their origins.) We are hoping to adopt more children, and are hoping they might be biracial children also. (Last year, we were looking into adopting from China, but the costs of international adoption are too prohibitive.) BTW, we do teach our son about his heritage! We feel that is very important…
I am the mother of two gorgeous biracial children. I am black and their father is white. My father is also half black and half white so my children are really really light. People are always stopping us especially when their father isn’t with me and asking dumb questions like - are they yours? Well they certainly are light! What are they exactly? human - duh! We should love people for who they are, not what color they are.
I wrote a report on this very subject this past school year and it makes me feel good that the argument of my paper didn’t quite hold merit since so many people are willing to accept whatever children come into their lives, that is a beloved and beautiful thing. I don’t yet know if I can have children, but Im praying if I am blessed to do so that God will teach me how to instill values like these in him or her. The love of my life just happens to be biracial( black/white) and I am black and I know that even though he is seen in society as black( well for the most part) I also know that he has dealt with things that I have not b/c he has a parent of another race, but he is one of the most well adjusted, intelligent, caring, good hearted and utterly magnificent people I’ll ever know and it didn’t ever matter what race he was, just that he is who he is, and that goes the same for the children in these situations they will be beautiful people if they are treated how to love others and allow themselves to be loved.