Noah is coming around
Noah and I have been talking a lot about siblings and while he’s still not an enthusiastic supporter of siblinghood, he’s grudgingly beginning to see a bright side to it.
As I’ve mentioned on here before, Noah has never, ever been one of those kids to ask for a baby. In fact, he’s been adamant that our house is too small to contain another human being. I’m not sure where he got his antipathy towards brotherhood but he’s had it since he was two and the older he’s grown, the more articulate he is about not wanting a brother or sister.
I, of course, want one anyway. (Basic Truth #56: Baby hunger knows no logic.)
Since it looks like brotherhood is becoming a reality for him, I’ve been working harder at stretching his feelings about it. His negativity worked for me while infertile; it eased some of my guilt to know that Noah has never felt deprived even though I felt (feel) that he has been.
Talking to him about his friends with brothers and sisters has never helped improve his opinion because looking at those relationships, he knows exactly the fate that he’s so happily eluding. He doesn’t want to share his toys or his parents. He knows that little brothers and sisters are nuisances that he and his friends are forced to tolerate. Sure, he likes his friends siblings but he likes them over there, away from their forts and legos.
Trying a new tack, I’ve been pointing out to him how Erica (his beloved aunt) was an only child until a baby came along and who was that baby? Why, it was me! His loving mother! That impressed him. He was similarly interested to realize that Brett was an only child before Uncle Todd showed up. I’ve also started telling him stories about being a little sister and adoring my big sister. This is his favorite story: Erica was about 6 so I was about 3. I loved Erica. I idolized Erica. I worshipped the very ground she tread upon. One day Erica wanted an apple. I, of course, immediately wanted an apple, too. Erica took a big bite of her apple. I obeisantly followed suit. “Yuck!” said young Erica. “My front tooth is loose! I can’t eat this apple!” and she threw it away. “Yuck!” I agreed. And threw mine away, too. Erica was deeply annoyed that I was such a copy cat. My mom was deeply annoyed that we’d thrown away two perfectly good apples. I was beaming to be just like my big sister.
Noah likes the idea of being a super hero to somebody and that’s what’s making him think that this adoption thing might not be so bad. I knew that he’d come a long way in his thinking about this when he told me that he knew a place where I could adopt. He said, “You know those places? Those places where the kids play all day? But it’s too long?”
No, I had no idea what he was talking about.
“You know,” he said. “Those places where the kids play with all that stuff and other people take care of them.”
Ahh yes! He’s talking about daycare.
“Maybe you can get a kid there,” he said. “Because I think I heard that adoptions are opening now. So I thought I’d tell you that maybe you can get one there.”
(On Channel 34 — PBS — they sometimes do little public service announcements about early childhood development and they usually show a daycare. He must have seen one that used the word “adopt” and jumped to conclusions. I think he now thinks that daycares and orphanages are somehow related. I tried to clear this up but he looked doubtfully at me and said he wanted to go play now.)
I was touched. That was a big deal for him to let me know that he thought that I could drive by KinderKare and pick up a baby. Think of it, he was sure that he knew how to net me a little one and he didn’t hold out on me; he shared the vital information. Huge. That’s huge. Pretty damn generous, I think.
How utterly sweet! What a darling little boy you have there, I’m glad he’s thinking more about a new little person in all your lives. You guys are in my thoughts and prayers!