this woman’s work

You are browsing the archives from 2002 December.

Last year at my brother-in-law’s wedding, we took a roll of film. Actually we took about six rolls of film. But one roll was of us dressed up for the wedding and also had pictures of our friend’s daughter and Noah playing together at OMSI. When we got home, we developed all of the film and that roll wasn’t on there. We took apart the suitcases looking for it and then took apart my purse. We looked in the pockets of every bit of clothing that had come along for the ride. We dumped out Noah’s toy bag looking for it. Finally we resigned ourselves to it being gone and we figured that we must have dropped it in the rental car.

We used the suitcases and the bags and my purse other times this year and it never turned up. Then last Friday I was digging in my seldom-used purse for toys (we were at a restaurant with friends) and found the film. (Cue Twilight Zone music here.) I looked in my purse. So did Brett. I’ve used it since then. I don’t use it daily but I have used it since then.

We developed the roll and all of the pictures of us dressed up fancy are foggy and useless anyway. But my friend’s daughter is right-cute and my friend herself is movie star gorgeous.

Now why why why was that damn film hiding from us all of this time???

Last night Brett installed a chin-up bar across one of the doorways so that when Noah shimmies up the frame, he has something to stop and hang on to. He’s swinging around behind me as I type.
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Brett sent the application in on Friday. It turns out that there isn’t any application fee for the special needs program so that was a lovely surprise. Thanks to my comment-people for your support and encouragement!!! And I went ahead and slapped sojourner but only because she asked.

As to where to find Brain, Child: I don’t know if it’s out on newstands yet although I know some subscribers have gotten it because one wrote me saying that he liked it and another wrote me offering parenting advice. I’m not clear on that last one. I think she wrote it because in the article I mention that I started exploring TCS when Noah was a lap-baby. I was on a parenting email list (parent-l) and after a flamewar, I went and checked out TCS. But I’m not currently looking for a parenting paradigm; I’m pretty enmeshed in the one I’ve spent the last nearly 6 years creating. But it was a nice gesture and I think she was very thoughtful.

I need to interview two or three single moms who (this is the important part) became single while they were pregnant. The article is specifically about going it alone and is meant to buck up any single moms-to-be who might be reading the magazine. I will be happy to use pseudonyms for anyone who needs ‘em. Also, if you were going to read such an article, anything in particular that you would want me to address?

You know, one of those personal posts that make my in real life friends shake their heads and say, “Why does she write that stuff ONLINE???”

It’s about the adoption. I don’t think Brett is ready to do it. He says it’s about the money but I think it’s more than that. He keeps asking, “But aren’t you worried? Aren’t you afraid of incurring more debt?”

The truth is — and this is what I told him — I am so blinded by the possibility of a real live baby that I’m not exactly thinking clearly.
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It’s too late for any of us to win but we can laugh and laugh and laugh when we read it.

A tantalizing excerpt:
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It’s a true story. It’s about junk food and kids. It’s my loosely strung together theory.

Let’s pretend that I decide to write an article on what it is to be a Lesbian in America. To do this, I decide to spend twenty-four hours living as a gay woman. I tell people I’m gay. I act in the way that I think gay people act. I wear a cute little rainbow pin. Then I write an article on it and tell people that now I know what it’s like to be gay. Offensive, no? Especially because there are plenty of authentic lesbians who would be happy to share their experiences in my article. But then where would be the fun, right? And let’s say that I’m a celebrity so maybe my argument would be that as a kind of famous person, my thoughts about being (falsely) lesbian are more interesting to the public than any other (actual) lesbians. Nevermind that there are famous lesbians, too, who would probably share their thoughts. Still offensive, right? So why is this any different?

They’re taking the Bitch piece! Hooray! I never thought I would find my voice for this thing and finally (finally!) after eight or nine tries, I got it. I still didn’t think it was perfect but I felt pretty good about it. The edits came back tonight and I went through it and I could tell it had been changed but not specifically. It sounds like me still but kinda like a me in a parallel universe where everything is exactly alike only everyone is a pale shade of green. Kinda interesting.

I know that sometimes when I write that I tend to meander (although not in my Myria essays, which I think I’m still channeling through every single flippant essay-writer I’ve ever read but I’m working on that) and this is much more forthright than it was originally.

Sometimes I get really freaked out about all of this — the columns, the assignments. I feel like I’ve gotten in completely over my head and someone is about to point and yell, “FRAUD!” I have to remind myself that even though I’ve been writing all of my life and have been writing semi-professionally for about three years, I’m still pretty new to this. It’s only been in the past year that I’ve been writing regularly and that I’ve gotten jobs that I consider real (you know, magazines that people may actually have seen or heard about) and I’m still getting the hang of it.

This Bitch article was hard and exhausting but now they’re taking it and I’m going to be very proud to say that I’ve been published there. I still don’t want any of you to read it however. Please support Bitch and buy it or subscribe (because it’s a fine feminist magazine) but if you read my piece (and I’d rather you didn’t) pretend that it’s someone you don’t know. Someone tinted slightly green, just around the ears, maybe.

Brett sent our application for the adoption today. It’s not really an application in that you’re not really applying in that they won’t turn you down when they receive it. It’s more of an information starter and check to get them to begin a file on us. Still, it’s a start and a $150 commitment to the process. I feel good about it.

Brett has been having some trouble with it mostly because he’s realized that he never worked through his own grief about our inability to have a second bio-child. He’s very sad about it right now and I wish there was something I could do for him. His feelings, he says, about the adoption are colored by his feelings about the infertility but he does seem them as two separate but related issues.

Tonight he’s going to pick up some baby stuff that friends of ours are giving us. It’s really lovely because they were looking to give it away but they wanted it to go to someone whom they love. When I told them we were adopting, they decided to give it to us. It means an awful lot to me. For one thing, it makes it all real not just to me but to my friends. Some of them have started saying things like, “Well, this summer you’ll probably have your hands full with the new baby…” and it sounds so absolutely great to me.

I hope that Brett will be able to hook into some of this joy and optimisim.