Baby shower today
Nov 2, 2002 Infertility
I got my friend’s baby shower gift all together. I wish I could scan a picture in so you could all look at it and go, “Awwwww!” I got a basket lined with muslin and then I bought these silly chenille socks for the mommy, cozy slipper socks for her 5-year old daughter, and the beautiful booties for the baby. I got matching snowman mugs for mom and the 5-year old and some gourmet hot chocolate then I burned a lullaby CD. I collect lullaby CDs so it was fun to put together. It’s all tied up with pretty blue bows. Voila!
Noah and I listened to the CD to make sure it worked (no skips and anesthetically pleasing) and I got teary, as I do, listening to the songs that were playing while I labored with him. This worried Noah and said, “Mommy, look at this picture of a baby I drew for you.” On his magnadoodle he’d drawn a giant screaming baby face, which of course made me laugh.
“I’m not feeling sad about not having a baby,” I said. “I’m thinking about how much I love you. Come here and give me a hug.”
He came over and said, “It’s because you have one kid already and that’s enough, right?”
I told him that he is a big giant blessing in my life and every single day I’m grateful to know him. I told him that the best thing is being his mommy and that even though I wanted another baby, I feel absolute joy in having him.
Noah has been worried about this baby shower. He gets very protective of me when there is baby stuff around. When we went shopping, I originally was planning on getting a baby blanket to line the basket (have you seen how much they cost? sheesh! I skipped it!) and so we were looking at all the cute little outfits and onesies and hats. It made him very uncomfortable.
It must be so hard for him. I don’t want him to feel like he’s not enough for me or that he’s responsible for my happiness but whatever I say, he still sees that I get sad sometimes. It’s all so complicated. I have been feeling much better lately. I do have pangs but not the deep, gut-wrenching grief I used to have. Looking at the baby stuff gave me little nudges but it was pretty easy to take a deep breath and get over it.
I’ll admit that I’m a little leery of the baby shower today. But part of that is that it’s being held at the house of another woman with oodles of money and there I’ll be in my thrift store clothing. My friend (the pregnant one the shower is for) and I are very, very different; our mutual friends are a little puzzled by our relationship. I feel out of place in her world anyway. You know, loud-mouthed feminist with unshaven legs and no make-up (well, I may put on mascara) hanging with a bunch of Mary Kay moms. They’re nice, really. And very loving mothers but they’re not my usual people. That kind of lonely in a crowd feeling in a house 4 times the size of mine surrounded by fertile people may make for a long afternoon. But then it could be fun, too. We’ll see.
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Not sure how long this will last
Nov 1, 2002 Uncategorized
Remember the heady days of internet deals? We stuffed our stockings and then some with all of the freebie deals a few years back. It’s no wonder places like ToySmart went under when they were giving stuff away right and left. Thanks to them, Noah has a respectable Brio collection.
Well those days aren’t coming back but here’s a nice little deal. Amazon’s new Apparel & Accessories Store has a nifty offer for you. Spend $50 at the new store, (which includes brands like Old Navy, Osh Kosh, and Land’s End) and they’ll send you a $30 gift certificate to spend anywhere at Amazon *except* the new apparel store. Useful for those among us who have a holiday gift list wearing on our minds.
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PG-13 at the grocery
Nov 1, 2002 Parenting
Noah and I went to the grocery store to pick up some hot chocolate to go in our friend’s baby shower basket and upon walking in we see that they have Spider-man showing on a television set right at the entrance. Hello! People! This is a PG-13 movie! It’s a movie I’m planning on buying for Brett for Christmas but I don’t want Noah to see it for cryin’ out loud. He loves super heroes because Brett is carefully indoctrinating him in the comic book creed (I have mixed feelings about this but I trust Brett) but we’re really careful about what super hero media he gets to see and this movie is not one of them.
Of course he stops, fascinated but I move him along. By the time we got to the check-out, the DVD menu is on and it’s just showing Spiderman (what’s with the hyphen anyway? Is Spiderman really Spider-man or is that some movie mumbo-jumbo? I must ask Brett!) swinging around between the buildings. I let Noah watch that while I load our groceries onto the belt and then call him over. Just in time, I must say, because some teen-angst grocery clerks come by and hit “play.”
After I got my groceries bagged, I went and found the manager and asked him pretty please not to show PG-13 movies to the general public. They had some Disney schlock displayed next to it and they can always toss that stuff on. Offensive to many, maybe, but at least there’s no blood. Or hey, just leave the DVD menu on which is impressive and exciting and sure to inspire everyone to buy the movie. (”Just look at those CGI special effects! I must have it!”) But I would be royally pissed to walk in with Noah just as Spiderman spears the Green Goblin in the gore fest at the end. The manager heaved a sigh and said, “Sure thing, ma’am” as he totally tuned me out. His eyes were already straying past me to the customers behind me. Grrrrrrr!
(Hey, did you know Michael Chabon is penning the sequel’s screenplay? Nifty!)
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This month’s featured author…
Nov 1, 2002 Writing
is Pearl S. Buck. My very first Pearl S. Buck book was one I got at a library sale called The Dragonfish. I think my mom picked it out for me because she’s always been a fan and plus I was a little young when I got it. I wrote on the flyleaf a couple of years after getting it: “I got this wen I was too.” I read it to Noah recently and he liked it as much as I always did.
As I said, my mom is a big fan of Buck’s. As I got older, I started reading her books and collecting them, too, from garage sales and thrift stores. She was a wonderful writer.
The Good Earth, of course, won the Pulitzer Prize (and let me tell you, it’s got nothing on an Oprah book in terms of hard times). Other books of Buck’s that I can heartily recommend (actually there are none I can’t recommend) include The Pavilion of Women (a must read for every feminist), The Big Wave (a children’s story about grief), Peony (about a maid living in a Jewish-Chinese household), and The Child Who Never Grew (Buck’s story of raising her mentally retarded daughter).
She also founded a charity to place the Asian children of American GIs with adoptive families because they were outcasts in their own countries. She herself adopted seven children after having a hysterectomy due to a uterine tumor discovered during her daughter’s birth.
Although she was the child of missionaries, she herself grew up to be an atheist. “I feel no need for any other faith than my faith in human beings,” she wrote.
She’s a wonderful role model for creative women trying to justify their time pursuing their crafts. “I love people. I love my family, my children,” she said. “But inside myself is a place where I live all alone and that’s where you renew your springs that never dry up. “