Hooray! House visitor!
Oct 14, 2002 Friends
Sarah is coming over for a slumber party! (And Maya and Sagan, of course!) I thought we still had our full-size futon but apparently we got rid of it so Brett is going to get the much nicer queen-size futon from my mom’s. I’ve got a nice dinner planned and my friend L. is coming over with her fabulous daughter so hopefully a good time will be had by all.
I can’t wait!
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Tags: my mom
Adoption letters I dislike
Oct 14, 2002 Adoption
So we keep getting these brochures from agencies and some of them really rub me the wrong way. One is from a local agency (that I have since discovered has some questionable tactics) and it contains a plethora of stories from parents who have adopted through them. Some of these people don’t sound like folks I want to hang with:
We were happy to finally be going to Russia for our little girl, but asked for more information about her. The attorney then told us that she had an 8 month old boy. Boy??? We had definitely asked for a girl. After spending thousands of dollars and having much physical and emotional distress. we had decided to adopt. A girl. Now the attorney we had trusted said only a boy was available; we would have to wait at least another 5 month for a girl. Imagine how devastating this was for us … [couple then switches agencies to find a girl]Our daughter was carried into the room dressed in a pretty pink dress. She was so clean and smelled of strawberry shampoo.
[This totally bugs me. People have a right to *want* a specific kind of child but it really bothers me that they turned down this healthy little boy because he was the wrong sex. After years of infertility, they said no because of this? They threw away thousands of dollars? Hey, a baby is a baby. Really. Boy, girl, whatever.]The final leg of our [adoption] trip was quite interesting, a term used frequently to describe a painting you can’t quite figure out. After an hour of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, I decided to follow the sage advice of giving Benadryl to M. and describe by his caretaker as “having lots of character” — obviously a euphemism for “strong personality” … After an hour of hysterical laughter and hysteria, our little angel fell asleep until breakfast was served some seven hours later.
[No comment needed.]
Another thing I’m bothered by is all the references to “china dolls.” This seems very racist to me.
I’m also trying to figure out about name changing. What happens to a 2-year old who has always been called, say, Oksana all of her life and whose name is suddenly changed to Caitlyn. What do you guys think? Do you think it matters that much? It seems like it would be very traumatic for the child. I can see the reasoning for a name change for kids whose names are difficult for most Americans to pronounce but I do wonder how this affects the children.
By the way, I finally got Brett talked into considering domestic adoption. Hooray! I have concerns about adoption anyway, the ethical problems in it. I worry about birth mothers who may be coerced into giving up their children or who would keep their children if they had more money or services available to them. If we gave the birth mother the money we were giving the agency, would this allow her to keep her child? What about the mother who is being forced by another person into giving up her baby? In some ways I think this coercion is a *little* less present in US adoptions because theoretically a woman *could* find some social support if she decided to keep her child. (Remember, that’s in theory only but it’s better than there being *no* social support possibilities at all.)
One thing that I really like about domestic adoption (and that Brett doesn’t like) is the possibility of some birth family involvement, even if it’s just a picture once a year. I also think it’s absolutely HUGE that the child can possibly go out and find his/her birth family; I think that’s really important.
Arghhh, adoption. What a tangled web it is. No matter how wonderful it is for the child and adopting parent, you know that there is someone in great pain over it. I think that The Kid by Dan Savage does a terrific job of talking about this.
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Tags: Erica, Infertility
Adoption thoughts
Oct 13, 2002 Adoption
We found an agency that works on a sliding scale fee for parents willing to take waiting children. Brett is pretty excited about it. He’s not very open to domestic adoption (he has birth parent fears) and while I think his concerns are valid, I don’t share them. I think part of this is that I’ve been thinking about adoption for much longer than he has. Even before I met Brett, I thought I would have three or four kids and that I would birth two and adopt the others. That plan has wavered (after I had Noah, I wanted to birth three) but adoption has always been part of my picture.
Although I loved being pregnant and nursing Noah, I don’t think I would really mourn the loss of doing that again. I don’t think any woman ever gets enough of feeling her baby kick so I think I could have 20 million babies and I would still miss those baby bumps and rolls but the rest of pregnancy wasn’t something I mind missing. Depending on the age/ability of the child we would adopt, relactation is certainly on the table but if I had to use formula as a supplement or entirely, I wouldn’t be too wrought up about it. I figured I’d contact everyone I know and get ‘em to get on those awful baby lists to get me free formula so that I wouldn’t have to give those evil corporations any money. Or as little money as possible.
It’s so nice to feel hopeful again. I know we’re going to have another child but I just don’t know how/when/who. That’s pretty exciting. I’ve been talking to Noah about adoption and he’s coming around (for Noah).
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Tags: Noah
Noah is in good company
Oct 11, 2002 Parenting
Q: What do Alan Alda, Tommy Smothers, and Alex Trebek all have in common?
A: They all have their foreskins.
(Not to mention Ronald Reagan, Sid Vicious and Frank Zappa. And just because I’m an Annie nut I have to tell you that both Reid Shelton, who played Daddy Warbucks on Broadway, and Albert Finney, who played him in the movie, are intact as well.)
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Residents talking about birth
Oct 11, 2002 Read/heard/seen
Then, the other day we were called to a midwife birth. We were coming in: me, my senior resident, the respiratory therapist, the resuscitation nurse. We walk in and are doing our normal routine. The midwife says- “back behind the door of the resuscitation room, please- I’ll tell you when to come out. Quiet please.” We hush immediately and tiptoed behind the sliding door, peeking out throught the cracks. The resuscitation nurse rolls her eyes at me “These births drive me crazy,” she whispers. She hushed up and watched with us, though, mesmerized- the woman is pushing in a position that doesn’t look like some kind of totally bizarre contortionist pose. It looks natural. The bed isn’t broken down and the midwife is perched on the edge. They are talking to each other. She coaches the woman through this beautiful, gorgeous, slow delivery of the head. She encourages the woman to reach down and feel the force of each push move her baby’s head down. The baby is born and cries vigorously and the midwife shoos us out the room, clearly no resuscitation necessary. This is also different because we’ve been to tons of births where we are utilized just because we are there- not because we are actually needed. Its like “Well, if the expertise and technology is there- why not need it, it can’t hurt. Better safe than sorry, right?”
If you want to read more, head over to residentblog, scroll down to the September 22nd entry (it’s the second entry from the top).
Link courtesy of Blogsisters.