Domestic adoption
Oct 19, 2002 Adoption
Brett and I got a brochure for a not-for-profit agency that specializes in domestic adoptions. When all is said and done, adoption through them will cost about $500. This is because there are all sorts of subsidies for domestic special needs adoption. Compare this to the $20,000 price tag of foreign adoptions.
Now every child in a foreign adoption is also “special needs” because most of them are adopted as older infants or children and many of them have been institutionalized, had poor prenatal or medical care, etc. However, it’s my understanding that it’s pretty hard to get internationally adopted kids recognized as special needs so it’s much more difficult to get help with the finances. Despite this, the reason people adopt internationally is that 1) you’re guaranteed a baby; 2) you can make choices about the sex and age of the child (more options); 3) there are no birth family difficulties; 4) things generally move more quickly. There are other reasons, too. Reasons that are hard to explain but unique for every family. I notice a lot of talk about what adoptive parents “should” do (why go overseas when there are starving children right here?) and all I can say is that it’s much too complicated to assume what’s right for one family is right for every family. Trust that the adoptive family has considered all of the options and finally come to one that will work best for their family in ways that may not be apparent to outsiders.
OK, back to domestic adoption. I don’t care where the baby comes from because I just want to be a parent again so I’ve been letting Brett make decisions about where. He’s finally realized that there’s no way we can swing an international adoption and quite frankly I’m relieved. When I thought about adopting even before I met Brett, it was always a child here in the States. OK, swell. Now we’re on the same page.
The cost of a special needs domestic adoption is subsidized by Ohio to the tune of $2000 and then there’s a United Way grant that brings the $1400 homestudy down to about $400, making the entire thing around $500 not counting lawyer fees to finalize. The $10,000 tax cut can be had in its entierty for parents adopting special needs kids, which puts us in the ethically uncomfortable but financially jubiliant position of actually coming out ahead on the deal. This is how our lawyer friend (he specializes in tax law) explained it to me, “Pretend someone gives you a $35 gift card to Target. You spend $5 on it one year. You still have $30 left. You can’t have that in cash, but you can have that in Target merchandise.” This is how the tax credit works for special needs adoption. You pay off your tax bill that was, say, $500 and you still have $9500 left for your next tax bill. I’m not sure if it rolls over indefinitely or what. Anyway, even without the tax credit, we can afford a special needs adoption through Ohio.
Now you may be asking yourself, what qualifies as special needs? Here in Ohio, special needs could be a child over the age of 5; a sibling group that needs to be adopted together; a child with a developmental or emotional problem; a child who has had a previous adoption “disruption”; or a child who is an ethnic minority. Basically any child who is difficult to place. Sadly, children of color seem to have more trouble finding homes. Especially boys.
We would like to adopt a child under the age of two but all other details are up for grabs. It’s hard to make decisions in the abstract and so we’ve agreed that we want to take things as they come. If the agency called with a child who has XY or Z, we want to be able to discuss the particulars before making a decision.
We know that it’s likely — according to the agency — that the child we will adopt will be a Black* child. Brett has concerns about our ability to handle this. The National Association of Black Social Workers has said that the adoption of Black children by white families is “cultural genocide” and are strongly against transracial adoption.
My feelings about this are mixed. I appreciate the concerns of the NABSW. Really, I do. Much like Orthodox Judaism’s issues with Reform Jews, their urgency is compelling and hey, everyone has a right to their feelings. However, the choice for most of the children of color up for adoption is one white family or another white family; there aren’t as many Black famlies adopting. The fact that there are so many more Black children up for adoption is a direct result of our racist society, absolutely. But I don’t believe that allowing Black children to languish in (mostly white) foster care is the answer. I told Brett that we’ll have to learn as we go. We’ll have to rely on help from the community in more specific ways than we have to with Noah. We will have to seek out role models for our child and give him/her opportunity to discover who he/she is meant to be. Anyway, just like my belief in religious pluralism, I believe that change is good and inevitable and that even in loss there is much to be gained.
I’m not deluding myself that things will be perfect but then I’m not asking for perfection. I want to raise another child. The rest is details.
I’m going to talk more about other “special needs” later.
*The reason I use the term Black here and not African-American is because the Black people in my life prefer that term. I learned through a Haitian woman of my acquaintance that it’s important to ask people the term they prefer; people should be allowed to claim their own names/labels. I tend to use the term African-American with the white people I know because this seems to make *them* more comfortable but again, the Black people I know seem to universally prefer Black. As an interesting side note, the American Indian people I knew at work all used the term “Indian” and disliked “Native American.” So I use American Indian.
October 19th, 2002 at 5:23 pm
In Canada, the preferred term is “First Nations”, which I really like. I like the pride in it. “Native” still is used, but it’s been made to be a slur in so many instances that it’s almost hard to use it without feeling a little grimey. And I know there are some First Nations people who do refer to themselves as Indians as well. And my friend Shereen refers to herself as either black, brown, or when referring to her South African heritage, coloured. But I think she only uses the last term to make people squirm.
I still would love to adopt someday, and actually love the idea of adopting a child of differing ethnicity. I understand the why nots, but it just appeals to me, regardless.
Good luck to you all. I am excited at the prospect of your family growing!
October 20th, 2002 at 2:30 am
Closer…that is great! You are in my thoughts!
October 21st, 2002 at 12:48 am
You know, I am so glad that you are getting closer to becoming a momma again!
More then likely, we too will be getting a baby of a different race then us. Mainly because we have put on our homestudy application that we will take ANY race and sex, as long as we can finally parent a baby! Not everyone puts that down, so more then likely, we will get a baby right away, and more then likely, it will be a boy of a different race. Fine by me. All I care about is being a MOMMY finally after so many years of infertility. :o)
To me, a baby is a baby. Skin color, race, sex, none of that matters to me. I will love any baby placed in my arms, no matter what. :o)