Looking at agencies
Oct 9, 2002 Infertility
In our continued quest for adoption information, I’m getting a lot of PDF files and snail mail folders from agencies. I found one that actually can facilitate an adoption for under $10,000 (does not include travel, home study, or INS fees) but they only work with Christian families. Even with Brett over here worshipping the trinity, I don’t think we count.
As for domestic adoption, it’s still incredibly expensive. Again, some agencies work only with Christian families and then the state doesn’t place children less than two (my understanding is that foster families tend to adopt those younger kids?) and right now, less than two is kind of important to us. If Noah was older, maybe I could feel ok about taking a preschool-aged or older kid but not when he’s this young. I want some distance between them.
Private adoption is astronomically expensive not to mention that we don’t look so great on paper. A homeschooling, interfaith family on the low end of the income bracket? C’mon. The fact that we already have a biological child doesn’t work in our favor either.
There’s a $10,000 tax credit for adoption that can be a great thing but I’m not quite sure how it works. It certainly doesn’t ease the out-of-pocket expenses. The very first step, so I am told, is sending INS a little less than $500. Then you have to pay a whopping amount to a certified social worker to come and approve you.
It’s all ridiculously expensive and I feel totally daunted looking at it. I don’t see how we could do it. But I’m continuing my research because it’s certainly possible that I just haven’t figured out the right path yet.
I made an appointment with the naturopath and it’s not $45 like I thought, it’s $125 for the initial consultation. She said the bulk of other expenses are the supplements because naturopaths work with you to improve your nutritional status. She also uses homeopathy and some herbs. This all appeals to me especially since I’m still recovering from the mess of the clomid.
I hung up the phone and started shaking and crying; I really didn’t know how tense this was for me (although the fact that I’ve been avoiding calling her for over a month should have given me a clue) until my body made it clear. For somebody who’s usually pretty in touch with her feelings, this baby stuff has absolutely thrown me. I mean, I knew I was sad but I didn’t know I was hysterical.
I don’t mean to make this such a down entry but I try to write about my uglier days because I know there are other infertile moms reading my journal and I want them to know that they’re not alone.
My resolve comes and goes in a way that confuses me; my decisions don’t seem to stick. Part of this is that I feel very conflicted about my options. Sometimes I feel like I’m slowly undoing a knot — a huge knot — and all I can do is untangle it one layer at a time. I get further along but it’s still a pretty big knot. I know that sooner or later I’ll untie it if I keep on scrabbling at it. And then I’m going to have me a big old party.
October 9th, 2002 at 12:00 pm
I empathize with you. We’re in much the same position as far as adoption goes. If we do adopt, it will probably be an older child out of the foster care system. I do understand why private adoptions are so expensive, and I would definitely pay anything I had to in ordet to make sure the birth mother was getting the absolute best prenatal care while she was carrying my baby, but it’s way beyond my means.
I wish you the best of luck with the naturopath. I was seeing an accupuncturist for a while, and he really straightened out my cycles. Now, I have a text-book monthly cycle. Still no baby, but I have hope. I worry that the Clomid is going to screw my body up more, but I have just one more month with it.
October 9th, 2002 at 10:16 pm
{{{Hugs}}}
I hope the roller coaster stops for you soon. I don’t blame you for feeling so conflicted about it all.
October 10th, 2002 at 3:51 am
shit, i didn’t know the naturopath was so expensive either. i am considering going to one for nutritional reasons and skin issues.
i don’t know what to say except that adoption seems like a scary, wonderful thing. i think it will be fabulous and i want to do it someday (even though i’m pretty damned happy with one child) because it is so splendid. if you are feeling hysterical, you gotta consider it’s from this amazing process that you might be welcoming another human being into your lives very soon and perhaps somewhat unexpectedly! when one of my very good friends got her girls (twins) in an adoption (and she had a 5 year old little boy) she felt absolutely overwhelmed. it is really too much but so wonderful at the same time. i have to say, i have prayed and hoped for you to just get pregnant, but i thrill at the prospect of your getting a baby through adoption! i think it can add so much to one’s life. i almost hate to say it (because i know you wanted a baby the regular old way so badly) but i am so excited for you!!!!!!!
heather