{{{{Hugs}}}} back!
Sep 1, 2002 Infertility
I want to thank y’all for your support; it means a lot to me (something non-’net savvy people don’t get, eh?) and I appreciate it. I also thank you for giving me cyber hugs even when I said you didn’t need to. I was trying to tough it out but you can see it didn’t work. I know that many of you have been exactly where I am now and it helps knowing that this isn’t as lonely a place as it can sometimes feel.
It frustrates me that I can’t *will* myself to feel the way that I want to feel. I want to GIVE UP and move on but I’m just not there yet. I keep thinking that I’m almost there but almost is worlds away.
Last year at this time I was continuing with a healthy herbal regimen, drinking my ProGreens for breakfast every morning, meditating, visualizing, and exercising gently. I got pregnant and miscarried October 1st. Of all of my miscarriages, that one was the most difficult and I don’t think I’m over it yet. I had been doing all the right things and I still miscarried. I haven’t been able to get my equilibrium back yet; I lost hope with that baby. Clomid was my last ditch effort and it didn’t work either. I feel a little bewildered.
So I dyed my hair last night (the color isn’t as dramatic as I’d like) and I’m going to drink coffee ALL WEEK. I need to learn to say “fuck it” because November marks 3 years of baby-making effort and I want to meet that anniversary with a lighter heart if I can just lighten it in time.
Meanwhile, I’m trying to figure out who the featured article for September will be. I had a couple of excellent choices but couldn’t find pics of them online.
September 1st, 2002 at 10:31 am
You know, I didn’t post any supportive words to the last entry because, well, I couldn’t think of anything helpful to say. Just like a guy to not distinguish between supportive & helpful, huh? No matter how much I think I’ve moved on, the “oh no, a problem, must fix” urge is still lurking inside.
Anyhow…more hugs from this corner of the Internet. My life would be poorer if I didn’t have TWW to read every morning along with my coffee. Dunno where any of us are going on this journey of life but I’m glad we’re strolling in the same neighborhood.
And, of course, {{{{hugs}}}} are good. I’m not so much of a guy as to deny that!
September 2nd, 2002 at 9:38 am
Hugs and good hair dye vibes. It never totally changes my outlook or anything, but Maude does it work of-the-moment wonders. Hope you’re OK.
September 2nd, 2002 at 9:59 pm
I second the hair dye and coffee treatment. Like Lisa says, it doesn’t change anything permanently, but it can certainly lift the spirits a little.
Treat yourself for a little bit. Buy yourself some snazzy clothes or funky jewellery. Paint your nails. Drink coffee and stay up all night. Make a plate of something totally ridiculous and fattening.
Humongo hugs, sweetie.
September 3rd, 2002 at 2:04 pm
more hugs…get a haircut too! Find a sweet stylist & chat it up about fluffy stuff. I did on Saturday & it was great!