Doctor Evil uses her powers for good
Aug 14, 2002 Read/heard/seen
Doctor Evil is a super hero saving the lives of abused children with her super powers. She wants us to come aboard the Justice League, too. I heart Doctor Evil.
This was a pretty timely entry for me; I need to look into CASA.
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Shelter Portrait #1 (or why I’m a liberal)
Aug 13, 2002 Feminism/Politics, Shelter
V. had been in the shelter before when her youngest daughter was only a baby. Back then she was still using and her stay with us was cut short when she was asked to leave for coming home wasted. This time, she was sober and because I had set up the family program, she and her daughters would be my clients.
V. was 37 but looked 52. She was missing most of her teeth and her face was heavily lined. Her intake form read like a bad B movie. She had a history of gang involvement, drug use (heroin, crystal meth, alcohol, and marijuana), childhood abuse, sexual abuse, and most recently, domestic violence. Her daughters M. and A. (now 2 and 3) had been dragged along through it. Originally, her abusive partner had gotten sober with her, but when he returned to their drug-infused lifestyle, he got abusive again, too. V. finally found the impetus to leave him when he broke 2-year old M’s nose. Read the rest of this entry »
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Tags: high school, my dad, Noah, Portland, preschool, Shelter
The Plan
Aug 12, 2002 Infertility
So here’s our infertility plan:
We’re doing an IUI, probably this weekend. We’re paying for it in full because we don’t want to blow this month’s clomid hell. Happily, this will probably be the last time I ever take clomid (it’s my 4th cycle). I really don’t think it will work because nothing has worked so far and I’ve gotten into the habit of assuming that things won’t work. I know that sounds pessimistic but I’m not gloomy about it at all.
Anyway, if I’m right and the IUI doesn’t work, we’re taking a good long time off from aggressive TTC. We’ll explore insurance options until then and also discuss how far we’re willing to go treatment-wise.
I know that IVF is not something I want to do. I know that I don’t want to be faced with selective reduction or what to do with frozen embryos. I’m not comfortable with any of that, personally, and so it’s very possible that this — clomid with an IUI — is the end of the line for us. I’m looking into the other fertility drugs but because they increase your chance of multiples (and while twins would be dandy anything more would, I think, be risky and unfair), they don’t look very appealing to us right now.
My mother and sister have both been wonderful as we’ve tried to figure this out. They both think that having an only child is a valid, responsible choice and they both feel that Noah is an ideal only child. My mom says that if I had been able to have another baby when I wanted one, she doesn’t really think it would have benefitted Noah. I think that, too, but wasn’t sure if it was just sour grapes or what.
Anyway, there’s a lot I would like to do. I want to write this book, I want to go back to school to get my masters and eventually my PhD in marriage and family therapy (although if I was writing a lot, I’d likely be less interested in school), I want to continue running and build up my strength so that I could maybe eventually run a race with Brett. I’m excited about homeschooling Noah and getting out there in the world more, too.
I’m not quite ready to get rid of baby things yet but I’m thinking about that more. For example, Noah never plays with his wooden kitchen set and I might put it in storage.
It’s mostly a mindset change. I know that I’ll have bad days but, as my mom pointed out, I was so focused on getting pregnant that I kind of lost perspective.
My infertility group has been reluctantly supportive. Some of them feel that I’m giving up too easily. The assumption is that because I’ve reached my tolerance for treatment so soon is that I must not want a baby as badly as they do. In fact, I do want a baby pretty badly but I have ethical problems with some treatment. I am staunchly, wildly pro-choice and so I would never, ever, ever try to limit another woman’s access to the treatment that I will not do — I want to make that clear. My decisions and feelings are very personal.
One of the women on my list has had multiple miscarriages — about twice as many as I have. I was feeling frustrated by the other members’ assumption that all I had to do was X treatment and then I’d be pregnant. I said that I don’t have a lot of faith in infertility treatments; I know plenty of women who have gone to enormous lengths to have a baby and weren’t able to. Anyway, this other woman pointed out that my pessimism may have to do with my history of recurrent miscarriage. When I read this, I started to cry and realized it was true. In my experience, pregnancy doesn’t mean you get a baby. So first there’s the hurdle of getting pregnant and then there’s a hurdle of *staying* pregnant, and then (because I’ve read so many sad stories) there’s the hurdle of giving birth to a live baby.
Oh jeez, that anxiety… I hated it. It was difficult for me to enjoy my pregnancy with Noah because of the two early misses I had before him. And then that first year of worrying about SIDS. Disaster always seemed to be looming. Ughhh, recurrent miscarriage messes with your mind.
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Tags: clomid, homeschool, Homeschooling, Infertility, my mom, Noah
Teenage Block Party
Aug 11, 2002 Read/heard/seen
Yesterday Noah and I were driving in the neighborhood across the railroad tracks from us to go to the library. We turned down our usual street only to find it blocked by tables and chairs and a big “Celebration Here” sign. There were balloons and streamers and it looked like a lot of food. There were port-a-potties, too, so I figured they were expecting a crowd.
“Weird,” I thought. “It must be a wedding or something but I wonder how they got permission to close a whole street down?”
We turned around and when we drove by the other end we saw another sign that read, “Murphy Shurig Party Here”. I realized that it was a party in honor of a 13-year old boy who was found unconscious at the bottom of a local pool last week. His friend didn’t notice he was down there and neither did the lifeguards. When they finally got him up, he was rushed to the hospital. By the track where I run, there are a lot of signs painted on bed sheets. They say things like, “Murphy Shurig family, you are in our prayers.” Or “Michael, our hearts are with you.” I didn’t know this boy or his family but you know how it is once you have a kid of your own; it all hits so close to home. Anyway, I was relieved to see that they were having a party.
I came home and told Brett about the signs and said that I thought Michael must be doing ok and maybe he was home now. Brett said he heard that he was off life support but didn’t think he was home yet. Still, off life support, that’s cause for celebration.
Today on the front page of the Metro section of the Sunday paper is a big article about the party. It turns out that it was a celebration but it was a memorial in honor of Michael Murphy Shurig, who died on Thursday.
“There was no better way to remember him,” said his mom.
I guess I don’t have anything to say about this but I wanted to write it down.
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Tags: Noah
Free stuff
Aug 10, 2002 Read/heard/seen
If you get Brain, Child then you might already know about Barefoot Books. If you don’t check them out because their stuff is gorgeous. Right now you can also get a free “Do you believe in fairies?” bumpersticker; very pretty.