Thank god I’m in therapy
Yesterday I had my first invasive diagnostic test at the miracle baby doctor’s. The news wasn’t surprising but it wasn’t good either. Very depressing. The test was painful, too, although the stuff I read about promised that it wouldn’t be. Then Brett got a test back that was also bad news. We’ll be discussing treatment options with the dr. on Monday. I really don’t know how many “options” there are since all I’ve read points to Clomid (the “aspirin of fertility doctors”). I don’t want to take Clomid. Brett doesn’t want me to take Clomid.
Anyway I’m taking all these herbs and trying to cut dairy out of my life. Holistic treatment for infertility is the same as holistic treatment for everything else: no sugar, no caffeine, no alcohol, no white flour, etc. etc. What the natural-minded experts say is “do you want that latte more than you want a baby?” That’s the same thing the miracle baby doctor said when I wanted him to stop the test. It was hurting and we already had the basic diagnosis and he was kind of bullying me to continue the way that doctors do, “Do you want to stop more than you want a baby?” And I was crying and said, “We already know what the problem is, why do we have to continue?” Once he realized I was crying he quit bullying.I do *not* want on this infertility rollercoaster. I don’t want to be poked and prodded and humiliated over and over again. I don’t want to have to live on carrot juice and ground flaxseeds. I mean, I’m willing to add those things, but I’m not willing to radically change my already pretty darn healthy lifestyle ‘cuz therein lies potential craziness. I guess the thing is that I don’t believe that either protocal is going to net me a baby. I think that moderately changing my lifestyle and weighing the value of traditional medicine is enough; do I have to be so gung-ho one way or the other to guarantee success?
Fertility treatment is crazy. The truth is that no one really knows how it works or why some women get better with this treatment and others do not. If I follow either protocal to the letter, I’ll be on that goddamn rollercoaster. I don’t even want to take my BBT anymore.
