I was going to write this up for here but they were kind enough to ask for a guest blog and I was honored and happy to share: There is Enough Love.

It’s a common discussion among folks who blog not just their lives but also their family lives (i.e., pretty much everyone I read) — how much do you share? Jenna blogged it both at blogher and at Chronicles and then it came up in a concrete way for Julia.

What happened was this: Julia blogged her son Gage’s recent emotional breakdown as she blogs the rest of his healthcare challenges. She wrote about it because, well, because it was happening and she blogs her life. When she had to have her son committed, she wrote about the agony of walking away from him and also the hope she had that this step would help. Happily, that next step was the right one and Gage is on the way to having his mental illness managed appropriately — cause for celebration! Instead several of Julia’s readers took her words and used them against Gage at school and several people criticized for sharing so much on her blog.

Now Julia has always been an activist for her kids and for other special needs kids. She feels strongly that silence would be tantamount to shame and that not blogging this part of Gage’s story would send him the message that he is not at fault for his kidney disease but he is at fault for his mental illness. So she’s going to keep on blogging.

I appreciate that her decision is not everyone’s decision and I’m not interested in a debate about whether or not it’s the right one. Any one of us blogging has to make sense of public storytelling on her own. I do think, though, that activism is more powerful when we are willing to put our names to it and that sharing our stories can be an important tool for creating change. In the adoption blogosphere, I’ve been sympathetic to people who share a lot less but also a little frustrated because what makes those stories sensitive is also why we so need their representation.

In my own life, my family has veto power although so far it’s been rarely used. It’s an imperfect system (I am way more open than Brett is so sometimes it doesn’t occur to me to check in about something I think is innocuous and then I find out later that it made him cringe, which is why I leave him out a lot) but it’s what works.

Recently I asked Madison for help in something I was working on about her adoption and asked her what she wanted me to share. I told her I was thinking of X and she put the kibosh on it and suggested Y. The essay (fingers crossed it gets past editors) starts with her sharing what she wanted me tell, which made for a more powerful (IMHO) essay. I was pleased that she could be so clear with me about what she will NOT talk about and also what she WANTED me to talk about.

Likewise Julia has ongoing discussions with her family including her kids about her blogging, her public advocacy and her sharing with the media. She does not do any of this lightly (none of us do, really). Again, it may not be the decision you would make as a blogger but it doesn’t mean that her choice is wrong either. Really, if it gets past her own family censors then that’s the only people she has to answer to.

There are a lot of good things about having a blog but the best thing about having a blog is the archives because then I don’t have to remember anything since my blog will remember it for me. I was reading through some of my working archives and remembering where I’ve been with work. I’ve been thinking about what I’ve learned in the last year work-wise and really what I’ve learned in the past three years and it’s a lot, people. Just a ton. So I thought I’d share some of it and then next year I can look back and shake my head and think, “Just wait until you learn what you’re gonna learn THIS year!” and kinda chuckle at my naive little self.

On to what I’ve learned:

1. I really really really need my work to matter to me. Not just to other people but to ME. I have to get something out of it and I’m not just talking about a paycheck.
2. If I can’t get something out of it,I need room to do some other stuff to feed that hungry part of myself who wants to do Good Work and Write.
3. I am not much motivated by money (unfortunately) or praise but I do appreciate acknowledgment. I’m a sucker for respectful acknowledgment.
4. Great co-workers go a long, long way to make a not great fit more comfortable.
5. If I don’t write, I will get depressed. And angry. And insomniac. And maybe a little bit Golem-like with the fear and jealousy.
6. If I don’t get unfettered time with my family, I will get depressed. And angry. etc. etc.
7. I’m a workaholic. I have to force limits on myself or I will never turn off that part of my brain much to my detriment.
8. Also? People will, through no fault of their own, take advantage of my workaholism. I can’t get mad of them if they do. That goes to that whole forcing limits on myself thing.
9. I really like new challenges. I really like to learn new stuff.
10. I’m no longer afraid of phone calls, interviews or meetings. They’re still not my most favorite. Not like, say, reading a good book under our new down comforter but they’re better than a stick in the eye.
11. I know my own worth much better than I did this time last year and I’m willing to stand up for it.
12. I’m not as afraid of failure as I used to be and I believe absolutely that every failure is a learning experience.
13. Because I’m not as afraid of failure, I’m more willing to take a leap, which means I’ve tried a lot of new things and some of them have even been awesome.
14. I have a tendency to dive into things a little too fast. Now that I know that about myself I am better about waiting even when I really really really don’t want to.
15. I need very simple systems to keep stuff organized — the more simple the better. And I need them to be off-line because it helps to be able to write things down (not type) and sort them out physically.

It’s been a long week. Actually a long two weeks. I still haven’t written about Noah’s bar mitzvah but now I’m not sure if I will. It’s hard to write about events like that without making them maudlin and it’s too dear to my heart to risk it. I can’t believe that Noah is 13 though. Right before the ceremony we were talking about how he’ll be 20 when Madison has her bat mitzvah and the rabbi said, “Don’t go there! Don’t let your mind picture that right now!” Yeah, it was a little much to contemplate.

But it was lovely. And I can’t believe it was just last weekend.

This week has been incredibly busy with figuring out how to close out FertilityAuthority. They have been very understanding and kind about my leaving. I may continue to freelance for them depending on where they are at the end of my tenure. Things are moving very quickly there and I am excited for them even though I won’t be the one implementing their plans.

Meanwhile, I have an interview for grad school not this weekend but next. It’s a day long interview with one-on-one and group activities. I’m nervous but excited because I think it’ll be interesting. I’m certainly hopeful about ending up at OSU but am still working on my Plan B. It’s nice to get this far though. I guess my GRE scores weren’t total suck.

Julia and I are working on another project that has us both excited but as you like know, she’s been a little busy these past couple of weeks. Happily Gage is doing GREAT and we hope to get cracking very soon (like yesterday). She has a lot going on business-wise, too, and I’m trying to lend a hand with some of it.

And of course I’m doing major networking to line up freelance work. I redid my professional site (to match this one — branding) since it was way out of date. I also have some freelance jobs that I was already juggling, one of which I finished up last night just under deadline. I’m also working on an article about disrupted adoptions but need a new family to focus on since the one I was working with doesn’t seem to be panning out. If you have a lead please let me know. I’m happy (of course) to use pseudonyms for anyone I interview.

Over at Madison’s blog, she always has an enthusiastic sign-off but it loses something in the blogging. So I got her to perform them for you.

Madison signs off from Dawn Friedman on Vimeo.

As you can see, Madison is the most fun person in our (very fun) family. She also has personality for days and days and days. I like that y’all can see her because I think it lends more to the stories about her. I think it helps a lot of what I write here make more sense because THAT is the kid I am talking about!